


Let There Be Smut

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Erotica, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Slash, The Quidditch Pitch: The Changing Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-18
Updated: 2007-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:58:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 24,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Each chapter is a one-shot smutlet in a continuous arc about the beginnings of Remus and Sirius' relationship.





	1. 001. Hate

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Written for the prompts on 50_smutlets for LJ  


* * *

****001\. HATE** **

 

“. . . and he’s really, __really__ sorry,” said Peter.

 

“He feels like shit,” added James.

 

“He looks like shit.”

 

“He __is__ shit.”

 

“Complete shit.”

 

“Utter shit.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It was a prank,” continued James. “That’s what he said. I don’t think he actually meant it, but you know how Sirius is. . . . His brains are all mush. I don’t think it’s excusable, but . . . well . . . he __is__ sorry.”

 

“Completely sorry.”

 

“Utterly sorry.”

 

Remus sat in the starch white bed in the hospital wing, his left hand bandaged and jagged cut across his nose, still a violent shade of red. The cut looked rather angry, but probably not nearly as angry as Remus felt.

 

“So sorry he couldn’t come up here and apologize himself?” 

 

Peter and James exchanged glances. 

 

“He’s actually not allowed in here,” answered James.

 

“Dumbledore’s orders. He has to stay away until you’re released. . . .”

 

“Why?” asked Remus, though he knew Dumbledore probably had a really good reason.

 

“So he doesn’t upset you . . . and so you don’t kill him.”

 

Ah, and there it was. If being a werewolf wasn’t going to get him expelled from school, then killing one of his so-called best mates surely would.

 

“I see.” Remus burrowed himself further inside his blankets. “I really need to sleep. Thanks for the chocolate.”

 

“Do you have anything you want me to say to Sirius for you?” James asked. “Or I could do something. I’ll punch him right in the mouth for you. Knock out a couple of his teeth?”

 

Remus shook his head. “No. That’s not necessary. I’m sure him sitting in the dormitory wondering whether or not I hate him will be punishment enough.”

 

“ _ _Do__ you hate him?” asked Peter.

 

Remus didn’t answer, but turned over on his other side so that his back was towards his two friends. With his eyes closed, he listened as their footsteps left the hospital wing. He tried to sleep, but every time his mind began to fade he was jostled back into reality with a feeling of falling. Of course, never fell, but that’s what it felt like, as though he was tipping over the edge of his bed and heading straight down into a black abyss. Remus was disappointed that he couldn’t just up and disappear.

 

He pretended to be asleep as Madam Pomfrey left for the Great Hall for supper. She liked to sit and chat with Professor Vector and oftentimes she was gone for over an hour during meals unless there was someone who needed constant attention in the hospital wing.

 

“I hate him,” mumbled Remus. “I hate him. He’s the fungus growing on week-old hippogriff dung.”

 

He thought perhaps saying the words aloud might make them feel true, but they didn’t. He couldn’t hate Sirius and it made his anger rise.

 

“I hate him.”

 

Tingling sensations spread across his belly and into his groin. This always happened when he thought of Sirius too intensely. He went from normal flaccidity to thick hardness. 

 

“I __hate__ him.”

 

Remus pushed Sirius out of his head and reached under his pajama bottoms. His fingers curled around his erection, stroking himself slowly. He thought of Gina with the blonde curly hair. He thought of Elspeth with the black plaits. He thought of Naomi with the wide hips. He thought of Denise with the flat stomach, Dannah with the large breasts, Milburga with the long tongue. Sabia, Ophelia, Odette, Dessa. All the girls at Hogwarts who were attractive, who were clever, whose faces he knew well enough to think of.

 

It didn’t work.

 

He thought of long fingers brushing away black fringe from gray eyes. Of thin lips sliding over white teeth in a smile just for him. Of hands on his body, of hands stroking him, pumping him, making him hard. 

 

“ _ _Mmm__ ,” Remus moaned as quietly as he could. He continued to touch himself, firming his strokes. His hands weren’t his hands, but Sirius’ hands. This was always the fantasy. Always Sirius.

 

As his orgasm was pulled from his body, Remus gasped out the words, “ _ _I hate him__ ,” even though it was a lie; his love had already spilled out over the blankets.


	2. 002. Love

****002\. LOVE** **

 

Remus stayed an extra day in the hospital wing and missed another day of classes. It was driving Sirius mad. He sat in History of Magic and took __notes__ , actual notes. Then in Transfiguration he didn’t mock McGonagall behind her back __once__. It was a true testament to how sorry he really was. 

 

Before the prank they’d kissed once. Well, twice, but the first time was all fumbling and blushes and hurried excuses. The second time, months later, was welcomed and warm and tentative . . . but brilliant. 

 

James had come back from the hospital wing without any news. Remus hadn’t sent any messages back and the silence was killing Sirius. 

 

He sat on Remus’ bed, his mind wandering. He had no idea he had the emotional capacity to feel so absolutely wretched. His stomach was in four-hundred knots and he hadn’t eaten in two days. Bile rose in the back of his throat and burned as he swallowed it back down. With cold fingers, he touched the ends of his hair, which was getting greasy because he’d forgotten to wash it. He was miserable, miserable knowing Remus was probably angry and miserable at the prospect of losing Remus before he ever had him.

 

James and Peter were in the common room, having agreed to vacate the room until Remus and Sirius had a chance to work out their differences once Remus came back from the hospital wing, which should be sometime soon. So there Sirius waited, sitting on Remus’ bed and wringing his hands together. He had a strange sensation in his belly, as though he had to go to the bathroom, but he knew there was nothing in his body to expel; he hadn’t had anything to drink in two days either.

 

The door to the dormitory opened and Remus walked in. He stopped short when he saw Sirius sitting on his bed.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Er, hi,” said Sirius, quickly standing up.

 

“Are you going to say anything or just stand there?”

 

“No, I – do you want to hear what I’ve to say?”

 

Remus shrugged. “Not if you’re going to lie to me.”

 

“No, no,” said Sirius, “no lies. I promise.”

 

“Your promises don’t mean anything to me.”

 

Sirius deflated. Of course Remus would be hacked off. He __knew__ he’d be angry, but he’d been hoping that this would be easy.

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. It’ll never happen again. Just say we can still be friends.”

 

“Is that what you want? My friendship?”

 

Sirius paused. No. He wanted __all__ of Remus. “Yes. If you’ll let me.”

 

“What about the kiss? You kissed me, if you have forgotten.”

 

It sounded like an accusation. 

 

“I didn’t forget!” cried Sirius, shaking his head. “I’d never forget that. You have to forgive me.”

 

“I’m not forgiving you,” said Remus, taking a couple steps closer to Sirius. 

 

He thought Remus was going to slap him, but instead Remus’ hand curled around the back of his neck and pulled him forward. Their mouths crashed together, teeth clanking, and it felt like an assault. It was nothing like their last kiss, which was sweet and soft. This was rough and tasted like anger.

 

“I hate you,” whispered Remus.

 

“Don’t say that,” choked Sirius, pushing forward to kiss Remus again. His ears picked up on the sounds of a zipper being undone. He felt his hand being grabbed and stuffed inside Remus’ trousers. “Uhh,” said Sirius, feeling Remus’ cock as it hardened under his touch.

 

They’d never done this before. In fact, Sirius had never done this before in general either. He stroked Remus, feeling himself grow hard. He swallowed back more bile as he started to feel lightheaded, as though he was drunk.

 

Sirius pulled his mouth away from Remus’. “D’you really . . . hate me?”

 

Remus’ eyes were shut tightly as Sirius continued to stroke him. “Uh huh.”

 

As Sirius’ erection pressed against his pants and trousers, he pushed his own needs away and focused on his hand on Remus. His with free hand, he pushed Remus’ trousers down and pushed Remus back until they both collided with the bed. Sirius helped Remus move until they were both in the middle of the blankets. He crawled over his mate, his hand still on his cock. He pressed his lips into Remus’ neck, sucking on the skin. His hand quickened, faster and faster, until Remus’ hips lifted high off the mattress and he came with a muted, “ _ _Padfoot__.”

 

Sirius continued to stroke him until Remus stilled his hands.

 

“Stop,” he whispered.

 

“I’m so fucking sorry,” said Sirius.

 

“I know.”

 

“D’you still hate me?”

 

Remus opened his eyes and looked at Sirius. “No. . . . I think I rather love you.”


	3. 003. Begging

****003\. BEGGING** **

 

Remus’ declaration had made Sirius feel quite high. He was delirious with the knowledge that Remus fancied himself in love with him. So far, James and Peter hadn’t cottoned on to the change in Sirius and Remus’ relationship. They sat together in class and suddenly Remus let Sirius copy his notes without lecturing him on how to better use his time in class. Otherwise, there weren’t many signs that they liked to kiss when no one was watching.

 

“Odette keeps staring at you,” whispered Remus during History of Magic.

 

Sirius looked up and over at the blonde girl sitting a couple tables away. She blushed and averted her eyes. Sirius smirked.

 

“Jealous?”

 

A smile tugged at the corner of Remus’ mouth. “Hardly.” He nudged Sirius’ knee with his own. “There’re things I’ve got she’ll never have.”

 

“Like a cock?”

 

“I was going to say charm and intellect, but, yes, I’ve that, too.”

 

Sirius grinned and reached his hand under the table and placed it on Remus’ thigh. “I like it.”

 

“Like what?”

 

His hand slid up further until his fingers hit the juncture of Remus’ thighs. With a small squeeze, Sirius moved his hand over until he could feel the metal from the zipper on Remus’ trousers. 

 

“Your cock,” he replied, running his fingers up and down the crotch of the other boy’s pants. 

 

“Odette’s watching.”

 

“Let her.” And he felt Remus stiffening under his touch. “She can’t see what I’m doing, but lucky her if she can.”

 

The bell rang for the end of class.

 

“Excellent,” said Sirius, removing his hand and picking up his textbooks and satchel. Next to him, Remus made a strangled-sounding groan. “Lunch’s next.”

 

Remus stood up, holding his own satchel in front of him, shielding his erection from view. “You’re hungry?”

 

Sirius grinned. “Hungry, yes. But not for food.”

 

“Good. I’ll race you to the dormitory.”

 

“Brilliant.”

 

“Shouldn’t we tell—”

 

“Bugger James and Peter. They’ll be too preoccupied with their stomachs to wonder where we’ve gone off to. Ready? Set . . . __go__.”

 

They ran all the way through the corridors and up the stairs, yelling out the password to the tower several yards before they reached the portrait hole. Their books were thrown across the common room and by the time they’d reached the dormitory Remus already had his belt off and Sirius was almost done unbuttoning his shirt.

 

Their mouths came together in muffled moans that their tongues swept away as they entered the other’s mouth. Sirius felt Remus’ hands on his trousers, undoing the fly and pushing them down his legs. He tripped on them as he tried to step out of them and stumbled backwards, grabbing hold of one of the bedposts to keep from falling over. With his heart racing three times too fast, Sirius watched as Remus dropped to his knees and took his cock in his hands. Stroke after stroke, he touched Sirius, making him hard.

 

“Mmm,” moaned Sirius, clutching the bedpost more tightly, his fingers and knuckles turning ghostly white.

 

Like being enveloped in warm silk, Remus drew Sirius into his mouth. This was new; Remus had never done this before. He licked and sucked and Sirius was sure that the tip of his erection hit the back of Remus’ throat more than once. He was a coiled spring waiting to be sprung and Remus was not helping matters by going so slow.

 

“ _ _Remus__ ,” Sirius moaned. “You have to – go – __faster__ –or I’ll never . . . come. . . .” 

 

He had no idea what made this so much better. There had been oral sex before – way before – with girls who had long hair and nails and smelled like flowered perfume. Remus was a boy – a boy with short hair and bitten-off fingernails. He smelled like sweat and hormones, like lust and hunger. And when he lifted his eyelids, he looked up, his mouth wrapped Sirius, and his eyes held questions in them.

 

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’ hair, careful not to push Remus’ head closer. The gesture was reassuring, was encouraging, and Remus closed his eyes again.

 

“ _ _Moony__ . . . you have to . . . please . . . faster . . . god, I need – to – __come__. . . . Mmmm. . . . __Please__.”

 

Remus sucked harder and the tension built even more inside Sirius. 

 

“ _ _Please__. Please, please, please. Merlin . . . Jesus . . . __fuck__ . . .”

 

He drew him in again, faster, harder, and Sirius felt his orgasm pull from his body as though Remus was actually sucking it out of him.

 

When there was nothing left, Remus removed his mouth from Sirius. He didn’t see what Remus did after that, for his legs gave out and he slid to the floor, the bed supporting him so that he wouldn’t fall completely over.

 

“You’ve – __fuck__ , Monny, you’ve – that was – that __was__ . . . fucking brilliant.”

 

“Oh, god, what’ve I done? You’ve lost the ability to communicate properly. There’s still another forty minutes left of the lunch hour for us to waste, so don’t feel too bad; you don’t need to know how to talk.”

 

“I don’t?”

 

“No, I’ve recently learned that it’s rather difficult to speak with someone else’s privates in one’s mouth.”


	4. 004. Sticky

****004\. STICKY** **

 

They were in a secret passageway coming back from Honeydukes. Sirius’ pockets were full of sweets and in his mouth was a blood-flavored lollipop.

 

“You’re truly disgusting.”

 

Sirius gave the lollipop a lick. “I wanted to know what it tasted like.”

 

“And?”

 

“Like I’m licking blood off a wound. How very dog of me.”

 

Remus made a face and kept walking through the passageway. He opened his box of Every-Flavor Beans and popped a pink one in his mouth, hoping it was a nice flavor like strawberries and cream.

 

“ _ _Aaaauuuggh!__ ” gagged Remus, spitting out the bean and stopping. 

 

“What was it?”

 

“Dirty socks!”

 

“Oh. Bugger. I’ve never got that one before, though I did have what I __think__ was dirty pants once, but let’s not talk about that. I’d rather not relive the memory. Don’t look so upset. It’s just Bertie thinking he’s clever, hiding dirty socks in a pink sweet.”

 

Remus tried to smile, but he was tired and his mouth tasted like old laundry. Sirius took the lollipop out of his mouth and tilted his head to the side to kiss Remus. It was slow, unlike most of their kisses, and tasted like blood-soaked socks.

 

“Ugh,” said Remus, pushing Sirius away. “I can’t. It tastes – I cannot believe you’re still eating that lollipop!”

 

“Sorry.” Sirius shrugged. He reached out his other hand and ran his fingers through Remus’ hair, something he often did. Remus wondered whether he realized how this small gesture sent sparks straight to his groin. This time when Sirius put his fingers in his hair, his fingers stuck.

 

“Ouch!”

 

“Sorry!” cried Sirius. “My fingers are sticky from the sweets in my pockets! Oh – shit, god _ _damn__ , they’re really stuck.”

 

“As many times as I’ve envisioned being in a secret passageway with you, none of them included this.”

 

“Better the hair on your head than the hair down around your—”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Why d’you look so embarrassed?”

 

Remus shook his head and pried Sirius’ sticky fingers away from his hair. Several strands were pulled out, but at least he was free. They’d only fooled around a handful of times, having to be careful of their roommates. Trying to keep a secret like this was really difficult and Remus couldn’t imagine what would happen if James found out. The things they’d done so far had been good and sent fire-hot warmth through Remus’ body, but he was scared to find out what happened when Sirius realized that he had no idea what he was doing. Sirius, of course, had experience with girls, had snogged at least twenty of them in the past two years, whereas Remus only ever had one girlfriend and that had lasted for all of three weeks until she began asking too many questions about his illness. 

 

He wanted the times with Sirius to be full of heavy breathing and trails of wet kisses across necks and down chests, of rock-hard cocks pressed against soft thighs, of stroking and whispers of each other’s names when they came. He didn’t want sticky fingers in his hair and gross tastes in his mouth.

 

“Not everything has to be perfect,” said Sirius quietly, looking away from Remus. “Last week when we missed lunch was brilliant, don’t y’think?”

 

Remus nodded and swallowed.

 

“Even if things aren’t perfect . . . I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“It’s not you leaving that’s got me worried.”

 

“What is it then?” asked Sirius, looking back at Remus, his eyes full of concern. “D’you think I’ll do something stupid again?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“God, Remus, you have to let it go. I’m never going to do that again!”

 

“I want to believe you!” shouted Remus. “But, __god__ , you’ve no idea how hard that is!”

 

“ _ _Never__ again. I love you.”

 

Remus was surprised, but he tried to cover it up.

 

“I promise, __never again__.”

 

“Let’s go back to Gryffindor Tower.”

 

Sirius nodded. “All right.”

 

“Your hands are covered in melted chocolate and my mouth still tastes like – __blurg__ – socks. I need to brush my teeth.” Remus’ mouth stretched out in a lazy grin. “And you need to brush yours, too. And we both need showers.”

 

“You think that’s a good idea? James and Peter and the screaming that’ll happen if they walk in. . . .”

 

“They don’t have the password to the prefect bathroom. I do.”

 

“I’ll get the towels.”

 


	5. 005. Sweet

****005\. SWEET** **

Sirius pulled Remus’ t-shirt over his head. When Remus opened his mouth, Sirius put his hand over it and shook his head.

 

“Shhhh,” he whispered, running his hands up Remus’ chest, his thumbs dancing over his nipples on their way up to his shoulders. He pushed Remus back until he was lying on his bed. Sirius kissed his neck, sucking lightly. When he released the skin, it was red and puckered; it would definitely leave a mark. 

 

He sat up and moved down Remus’ body until his fingers found the fly of the other boy’s trousers. Undoing the buttons and the zip, Sirius bent his head to kiss the soft down of hair on Remus’ stomach. With his fingers through the belt loops, Sirius pulled Remus’ trousers and pants down his legs, dropping them at the end of the bed with a faint plop. 

 

His mouth kissed Remus’ ankle, his calf, his thigh. His hands reached around underneath him and squeezed his round, fleshy arse. The squeeze caused Remus to lift his hips slightly. 

 

Moving himself against the blankets, the friction began to make Sirius hard. Wanting to feel Remus come, Sirius kissed his thigh again, his tongue licking against the bit of skin that touched the boy’s hardening cock. He covered his teeth with his lips and drew Remus into his mouth, feeling him twitch, his muscles already beginning to shake from the feeling of having his erection between Sirius’ lips.

 

With another squeeze, Sirius pushed against Remus’ arse, bringing the boy closer to him. He glanced up; Remus had put a fist in his mouth, biting down on the skin to keep from making noise. Hoping his movements would go unnoticed, Sirius reached for his wand, still in the back pocket of his jeans. He pulled it out and tried to do a nonverbal spell, not realizing how hard it was to concentrate on magic when he had Remus, hard and hot, inside his mouth. But he did it and he dropped his wand onto the bed next to them.

 

His newly slick fingers moved closer to the divide in Remus’ backside and he slipped them between it, his heartbeat loud inside his ears as his pulse quickened. This was new and Sirius had no idea what Remus would say, but the thought was invigorating and he slipped a finger inside his mate. 

 

Though he hadn’t thought it possible, Remus seemed to get harder inside his mouth as his finger stroked behind him, hitting a spot that caused Remus to lift his hips and sink his teeth further into his hand. With a slight shake, Remus came, spilling himself in Sirius’ mouth, muttering a muted-sounding, “ _Sirius_.”

 

Sirius removed his finger and his mouth and sat up, looking down at Remus. He smiled and laid down, throwing his leg over Remus’ and resting his head on his shoulder. His hand reached up and played with the ends of Remus’ hair.

 

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius shushed him with a kiss.


	6. 006. Videotapes

****006.** **VIDEOTAPES** **

 

“Hey, Moony, your mum’s a Muggle. . . .” said James slowly, looking up from his Muggle Studies essay. The common room was loud so he had to speak up so Remus could hear.

 

“Was that the end of your thought?” asked Remus dryly.

 

“No. Have you heard of VCRs?”

 

“Oh. Yes, I have. They are rather new. . . .” Remus stuck his quill behind his ear. “That must be the latest edition of the Muggle Studies textbook, then?”

 

James nodded. “Yeah. I don’t understand about VCRs.”

 

“Have you talked about the cinema at all in your class?”

 

James nodded. “A bit. We didn’t see one, though.”

 

“What’s the cinema?” asked Peter.

 

Sirius sniggered, but didn’t answer.

 

“Merlin, how do I explain this? Okay, so imagine a wizard photograph. You’ve captured an image for about ten seconds or so, right? And it moves. So imagine that photograph moving for an hour and a half and the people in the picture talk and you can hear them and what they say tells a story. You go see those stories at the cinema. And they’re called moving pictures or going to the picture show.”

 

Peter scrunched up his nose. “Weird. Why’d anyone wanna go to a picture? Sounds boring.”

 

“Sounds brilliant,” muttered Sirius, turning the page of his Potions textbook.

 

“So a VCR puts that picture on a tape . . . er, a little black box . . . and then a VCR plays those tapes on a television. . . . You’re not understanding any of this, are you?”

 

“What’s a television?” asked Peter.

 

“Shut up,” murmured Sirius. Remus surreptitiously elbowed him in the side.

 

“It makes a bit more sense. D’you think Lily’s got a VCR?”

 

Remus shrugged. “They’re new inventions, really. Not many Muggles have them yet. They’re really expensive. One day everyone will, I’m sure.”

 

“Say, Moony – what’s that on your neck?” asked James, then his eyes lit up and he laughed. “That’s a lovebite!”

 

Remus’ hand flew to his neck, covering up the red mark. “Er, no it’s not. It was a bug.”

 

“A bug with teeth and lips?” said Peter, laughing along with James.

 

“Who is she?” asked James.

 

“There is no __she__.”

 

Sirius covered up his laugh with a loud cough.

 

“Is she a Ravenclaw? I’ve always wondered why you weren’t in Ravenclaw.”

 

“She’s not a Ravenclaw.”

 

“Surely not a Slytherin?”

 

Remus shook his head. “You’d never guess.”

 

“I bet she’s goofy-looking, isn’t she?” mused Sirius carelessly, his eyes still on his book. 

 

“She’s got brilliant hair,” said Remus, “and her face is very nice to look at.”

 

“What about her tits?” asked Peter eagerly.

 

“God, it’s so fucking obvious you’ve never had a girlfriend before,” snapped Sirius.

 

“Oh, well, I wouldn’t change a thing about her chest,” answered Remus.

 

“Good answer,” said Sirius softly, the corners of his mouth twitching.

 

“Have you done it?” asked Peter, practically bouncing in his chair.

 

Remus felt his face grow hot and he had to keep his eyes away from Sirius who was sniggering again beside him.

 

“If you really want to understand VCRs,” said Remus, completely ignoring Peter, “then you should ask Lily. It’ll give you a chance to act like a human around her and not a total prat. Just tell her you need help understanding the subject matter of your essay. If you appear concerned about lessons, she might come around. You never know.”

 

“I wish,” said James with a sigh. “Good idea. See you fellows later.”

 

“What kinds of pictures do these Muggles make?” asked Sirius, closing his textbook.

 

“Oh. Lots of pictures based on books. Some with a lot of action and adventure. Some are romance.”

 

“Romance? Hmmm. What about pervy ones?”

 

“Pervy? You mean, pervy pictures?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh, well, I don’t—”

 

“Like with naked people and girls with __brilliant hair__ sucking off boys?”

 

Remus swallowed. “Er . . .”

 

“No? What about people wanking? You ever watch someone wank?”

 

“Sirius . . . what’re you getting at?”

 

“You two are so fucking weird!” cried Peter. “I’m going to the library. Really, Sirius, why would you want to watch a girl suck off a boy? Wouldn’t it be better to see a girl do it to another __girl__?”

 

Sirius made a face. “For fuck’s sake, Peter, how many girls d’you know who do __that__ to other girls? Don’t be an idiot.”

 

With a huff, Peter left the common room.

 

“You don’t have to be so mean to him, do you?”

 

Sirius nodded. “I do. I think I’ll stick to magazines. These VCR things sound like a lot of trouble.”

 

“You have magazines?”

 

“Yeah. The pictures move.” Sirius put his hand on Remus’ thigh, running it up towards his crotch.

 

“Don’t,” breathed Remus. “Someone might see.”

 

“You didn’t care so much about that the other day in History of Magic.”

 

“I know, but it’s more obvious here.”

 

“I’ve got an idea,” said Sirius.

 

“Oh, god, that’s never a good sign.”

 

“No, listen. D’you know how fucking hot it is when you come?”

 

“No, but I suppose you’re going to tell me?”

 

“It’s amazing. It always makes me hard if I’m not already, which I usually am.”

 

“You’re a walking erection.”

 

“I think that was a slight on my character, but I’ll ignore it. My __idea__! You haven’t listened to my idea!”

 

Remus shook his head. “Your ideas worry me. All right, spill it. What is it?”

 

“It involves me, you and our clothes in a pile somewhere. And it involves my mouth on your cock and my fingers in your arse. You liked that last time, didn’t you?”

 

Remus just swallowed instead of answering.

 

“And it involves you moaning and groaning and doing that wiggling thing with your bum when you get excited.”

 

Remus swallowed again and squirmed in his seat, eliciting a quiet laugh from Sirius.

 

“Oh, and it involves a wizard camera. What d’you think?”

 

Before he could answer, Sirius grinned and took off, up the stairs towards the dormitory, leaving Remus with a hard-on that needing relieving. 


	7. 007. Food

****007.** **FOOD** **

 

“Stop acting like such a twat!” snapped Sirius, ripping off the Invisibility Cloak that they’d worn to sneak past Filch on the way to the kitchens.

 

“I’m not!”

 

“You’ve been hacked off at me all goddamn day!”

 

“I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t leave any more marks on me! James saw the one a few days ago and started asking all those questions and then you go off and do it again last night, only this one’s bigger.”

 

Sirius scowled. “I’m sorry. When we’re fucking around I don’t stop and think!”

 

“Fine.”

 

“If it’ll make you happy I’ll never kiss you again.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“None of the girls I marked ever fucking minded.”

 

“Those girls wanted people to ask them who gave them lovebites.”

 

“You’re fucking right they did! They wanted to tell everyone that Sirius Black got off with them.”

 

Remus rolled his eyes. “ _ _Yeah__ , and I __can’t__ tell because I’m not a girl!”

 

Sirius grabbed a piece of gooey chocolate cake, layered with thick icing and hurled it at Remus. 

 

“I know you’re not a girl, you shit. But you don’t have to act like I’m the worst person in the world because you make it impossible to think when you’re got your hands down my trousers!”

 

The cake had hit Remus’ shoulder, staining his shirt and spreading across his neck as it passed, landing on the floor behind him.

 

“I cannot believe you just did that,” said Remus, wiping the chocolate icing off his skin. “What are you, a second-year?” He looked at the icing on his fingers and took four steps towards Sirius, wiping it across his throat at the open part of his uniform shirt.

 

“Oh, and what are you, a __first__ -year?”

 

Remus grinned. “Yeah.”

 

Sirius shook his head in disbelief and went to wipe the icing off his chest, but Remus stopped him.

 

“Wait.”

 

Sirius’ breath quickened as Remus dipped his head and licked across his chest, removing the chocolate. He straightened up and looked Sirius directly in the eye. With a mischievous grin, he took hold of Sirius’ shirt and pulled, popping out all the buttons as he opened up his shirt. Remus wiped the rest of the chocolate from his fingers on Sirius’ chest and stomach. He bent down, licking off the icing. 

 

Where his tongue met Sirius’ skin burned with arousal. He groaned loudly as Remus undid the fly of his trousers. Sirius knelt down and spread the chocolate from his fingers across Remus’ lips and then kissed him, letting his tongue run across the other boy’s mouth, tasting the sweet flavor that their tongues exchanged. Hot breath in his ear, Sirius kissed his way across Remus’ jaw, his fingers opening up his trousers and pushing them over his hips.

 

Remus did the same to him and they both knelt in the kitchens, pants around their knees. Their hands were on each other’s cocks, stroking and pumping. Sirius pulled his mouth away from Remus and looked in his eyes. It was a struggle not to lower his lids, but he kept his gaze on him as they tried to bring each other off.

 

He could tell by the strangled breathing and throaty moans that Remus was close. His whole body was hot and then he felt it, a finger slipping between his arse cheeks – __inside__ him. The finger stroked and felt strange and new. Sirius clenched his muscles.

 

“Relax,” whispered Remus.

 

Sirius tried, but he tensed up again when Remus ran his finger across that secret place inside him. “Oh, god.”

 

“Shhh. It feels good, right?”

 

Sirius nodded and with another stroke, came, coating Remus’ hand, never losing that eye contact. His hand faltered and he lost the rhythm he’d had going on Remus, but he soon found it again, stroking quickly. 

 

Remus’ eyes shut and he pulled Sirius towards him, kissing his mouth; he could taste the sweet chocolate again. He felt lips on his jaw, on his cheek, on his neck, as he continued to stroke Remus. Teeth sunk into his neck as warm, thick liquid spread across his hand. Remus moved his mouth away from Sirius’ neck, moaning incoherencies into his ear that sounded like music, like satisfaction, like love.

 

“How come we manage to get so sticky all the time?” mused Sirius.

 

Remus smiled. “I don’t know. I’m sorry I acted so hacked off earlier, especially since I might’ve marked you just now. . . .”

 

Sirius felt his neck. “A lovebite? Shit.”

 

“I know what you mean now about losing the ability to think properly.” Remus stood up and pulled up his trousers. He looked at his hand and cast a cleaning charm on it, doing the same to Sirius’ fingers. 

 

“I wonder how many places in Hogwarts we can desecrate.” 

 

“I love you,” said Remus suddenly and quickly.

 

Sirius stood and kissed him, buttoning his trousers as he did so. “I think we need another bath in the prefects bathroom.” He picked up the Invisibility Cloak and slung it over his shoulder and made his way towards the door, Remus behind him. He pushed the door and turned his head around. 

 

“This time I’ll get the towels,” laughed Remus.

 

“And this time I’ll – __oof__!” Sirius had climbed through the doorway and ran into something solid – something solid and very sweaty. He turned around. “Ah, James. . . .”

 

James held up the map. “I saw you.”

 

“Doesn’t mean anything—” Sirius began.

 

“You’ve a mark on your neck, your shirt is ripped, and I’m not an idiot.”

 

“Prongs—”

 

“You can fuck off,” snapped James, turning around and walking down the corridor.

 

Remus reached out and touched Sirius’ shoulder, but Sirius shook him off.

 

“Don’t. I have to – I need to go after him. Alone. This is between me and him.” Sirius gave Remus an apologetic look and went down the corridor after James.


	8. 008. Blood

****008\. BLOOD** **

 

With five fingers clenched in a tight fist, James punched Sirius in the face, making him see stars.

 

“How could you not tell me?” shouted James.

 

“What did you want me to say?” Sirius touched his jaw; it was tender, sore, and felt like justification for lying to James.

 

“The truth would’ve been nice.”

 

Sirius looked into the face of his best mate. James’ eyes were narrow, his brow furrowed, and his mouth drawn in a thin line. This was not something James could understand – or would understand. He came from a family who loved him, who accepted who he was. James was straight; he liked girls. He liked their full lips and long eyelashes, the way they made the Hogwarts crest bumpy on the school sweatshirts from their swollen chests. 

 

Sirius didn’t like any of those things. He liked the way Remus’ cheeks were scratchy against the insides of his thighs and the way he could lay his hands flat across his chest. He liked feeling the trail of hair on Remus’ stomach that dipped down beneath the waistband of his trousers. He liked that he didn’t shave his legs and how he didn’t have lipstick that would smear when he kissed him. 

 

“I don’t think you want the truth.”

 

“Of course I do.”

 

Sirius felt defiant. “The truth is – sometimes Remus puts my cock in his mouth and sucks me off. Sometimes I do it to him. I blow him until he comes in my mouth, then I swallow it. Sometimes I put my fingers in his arse and one day I’ll put my cock in there, too. __And__ he’ll probably do the same to me. Shove it right up in there, in and out, __in and out__ —”

 

“Shut up!”

 

“You wanted the fucking truth and I’m giving it to you!”

 

“You’re trying to piss me off!”

 

“Fine,” Sirius snapped. “I fancy Remus. Is that the truth you wanted to hear?”

 

“I got that from the mark on your neck.”

 

“He bit me.”

 

James’ eyes widened in surprise. “Why?”

 

“I was giving him a hand job – he bit me as he came.”

 

“ _ _What__?”

 

“What did you think we were doing?”

 

“I’ve no idea! The map had your names overlapping so I came to see what was going on! I thought you were passed out on one another or something! I had no idea you were keeping secrets from me. This is fucked up!”

 

“Fucked up? I fancy Remus, big goddamn deal.”

 

“It __is__ a big deal! You’ve been lying to me for – how long has this been going on?”

 

“Since right before the prank.”

 

“ _ _Before the prank__!” shouted James.

 

“Keep your voice down!”

 

“Is this some sort of phase?”

 

Sirius scoffed. “Did __you__ go through a phase where you sucked on another bloke’s dick?”

 

“That’s – that’s – __perversion__ ,” sputtered James.

 

“I thought it would take some convincing, but I thought you’d always come around and be accepting of me. I mean, you accepted that Moony’s a werewolf!”

 

“I could’ve got used to it if you’d told me!”

 

Sirius reached out to try and grasp James’ shoulder.

 

“Has that hand touched Remus’ privates? Don’t put that hand near me.”

 

“I thought you were my best mate.”

 

“I thought you were straight.”

 

“Look. You know how you feel about Evans? That’s how I feel about Remus. So can’t you simply say you’re happy that someone actually loves me, which neither of us thought would ever happen?”

 

“Remus loves you?” James slapped his hand against his forehead. “This is more complicated than I thought!”

 

“You thought he was a quick fuck? You thought that I just shoved my cock up him and called it a day?”

 

“I don’t know. Do you?”

 

“Christ! No! It’s not like that!”

 

“Is Moony your . . . boyfriend?”

 

Sirius shrugged. “We’ve never discussed it.”

 

“All you had to do was tell me. When’d you know you were gay anyway?”

 

“Last year.”

 

“Did you fancy me?”

 

“No.”

 

“No? Why not?”

 

“You’re not my type.”

 

James looked indignant. “Not your type?”

 

“You’re like a brother to me. You let me fucking move into your house. I don’t want to do the things with you that I do with Remus. I like Moony. He makes me feel, which after running away and getting disowned by my family I didn’t really think was possible. It’s not like either of us has ever gotten off with other blokes. It’s a lot of figuring things out. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t tell you, because I’m still figuring a lot of it out myself.”

 

“Do you love him, too?”

 

Sirius nodded and James slammed his eyes shut.

 

“If you were with Evans, you’d understand. When he makes me come it’s . . . more than coming. Shit. Don’t listen to me, I don’t know what I’m saying. Can’t you just still be my best mate? I need you. I’m bloody coming home with you this summer.”

 

James ran his hands through his hair. “It’ll be fine, Sirius. I’m not going to disown you like your parents did. You’re family and where I’m from, that means something. But please don’t tell me about where your prick’s been. I don’t think I can handle that kind of information. Not yet.”

 

“We’re still best mates?”

 

“We’re still brothers,” confirmed James. “Are you coming back to the common room?”

 

“In a minute.” Sirius watched James turn and walk down the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower. He slipped his tongue on the other side of his teeth, sweeping it across in the inside of his cheek. It tasted like that blood-flavored lollipop, but if it took a punch from James to still have his love, for him to still be his brother, then Sirius would take the blood in his mouth with a smile.


	9. 009. Pain

****009.** **PAIN** **

 

As the moon dipped down beneath the horizon, disappearing behind the rows of trees, the wolf let out a final howl and began to change. The fur vanished and the too-wide shoulders shrank. Broken claws retracted, fingers taking their place. A yell and pain-stricken moan filled the Shrieking Shack as long fangs contracted into swollen gums.

 

Finally, the wolf was gone and Remus was there, lying on the floor, breathing in slow and deep. James quickly changed back into human form and took the blanket off the bed and threw it over Remus. Peter bounced anxiously from foot to foot; he never liked risking one of the professors coming to collect Remus and finding the rest of them there.

 

“Hey, Remus,” said Sirius quietly, kneeling down next to the shivering boy and pushing his fringe away from his eyes, “d’you want me to help you to the bed?”

 

Remus nodded and Sirius looked at James for help. Both boys helped Remus stand and laid him out on the torn mattress. James had done his best to repair the damage with some charms, but the bed was still dirty, old, and uncomfortable, but at least it was better than the wooden floor.

 

“He’s worse this time,” said James. “Look at his hands.”

 

“He clawed at that tree, trying to get something that scurried up.”

 

“It’s almost dawn,” whispered Peter. “Someone’ll be here soon!”

 

“We’ll come by the hospital wing before our first lesson and see how you’re doing.” Sirius made sure Remus was fully covered before getting up. A hand curled around his wrist, stopping him.

 

“Don’t go.”

 

Sirius couldn’t tell if Remus was talking in his sleep or not. He glanced at James who looked both mildly surprised and amused; Remus had never asked any of them to stay before. 

 

“We’ll come by later and—”

 

Remus opened his eyes briefly. “Please.”

 

Sirius could hardly refuse a __please__ that sounded so wretched. “You two go. Leave the cloak for me, but take the map so you can avoid getting caught.” James opened his mouth to protest but Sirius shook his head and gestured towards the door for them to leave.

 

He laid down next to Remus, knowing there was probably about thirty minutes before Madam Pomfrey would be over with her bundles of potions, salves, and bandages.

 

“Just go to sleep.”

 

Remus turned over and faced Sirius. “Everything hurts too much,” he said.

 

“Your hands . . .”

 

“My back, too. When I first change my muscles get stretched. It was worse this time.”

 

“Turn over,” commanded Sirius, though he made sure to keep a gentle tone to his voice. A familiar, skeptical look crossed Remus’ face, but he turned on his stomach. Sirius moved the blankets down, revealing the scarred flesh of Remus’ back, tattooed with claw marks from where the wolf had scratched itself in anger. Today, there weren’t any new lines and Sirius felt grateful.

 

“That was the last full moon of sixth year,” he said.

 

He pressed his fingers into Remus’ shoulder blade, feeling a large knot that he tried to smooth away. All the muscles were taut, rigid, and knots littered Remus’ back, lumped under the skin, unwanted like poisoned growths. Sirius massaged the knots, trying to alleviate some of Remus’ pain. The scar on his shoulder blade was ugly and angry-looking. It was the bite mark, the source of all Remus’ pain. Sirius bent down and kissed it, feeling the uneven skin against his lips. He’d never gotten a good look at it before and he understood why Remus liked to keep it hidden; it looked like a bite and it was ugly. Though knowing it belonged to Remus and knowing that he wore it everyday, heavy like a burden-filled pack, made it beautiful – beautiful because of the way Remus handled his life, not pretending as though being a werewolf made him less human. 

 

Sirius’ hands moved down to the dip in Remus’ lower back and his eyes caught sight at the rise in the blankets that covered his naked backside. Pushing away all rational thought, Sirius pulled the blankets down and massaged the two round cheeks in front of him. He swallowed and bent down kissing one arse cheek and then the other.

 

He’d heard about this sort of thing before, the putting of mouths __there__ , in places he couldn’t even name in his own thoughts. It was talked about in the locker rooms when he went to visit James after a game to congratulate him. The talk had come from the upper years, trying to insult and tease the second- and third-years, but Sirius had never believed a boy would actually do that sort of thing of his own free will to another boy.

 

Until now.

 

The want to lick Remus was strong, almost as though Sirius was possessed. His lungs filled as he took a deep breath, readying himself for what he was about to do. He stuck his tongue out and licked. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought, so he did it again, and again, trying to find a rhythm and a technique that worked, trying to find that place he touched with his fingers. Remus lifted his hips, pushing his bum towards Sirius. He found the gesture encouraging.

 

Recognizable sounds of hands around erections hit Sirius’ ears and he knew that what he was doing to Remus had made the boy hard.

 

Remus came with a groan and fell forward onto the mattress. Sirius lifted himself up and whispered in Remus’ ear, “Are you all right?”

 

“Brilliant.”

 

“D’you still hurt?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I didn’t make it worse, did I?”

 

“No, Padfoot . . . you usually make everything better.”

 

“Oh, fuck, I think I hear Madam Pomfrey coming.”

 

Remus opened his eyes for a moment before they fluttered shut again. “Get the Invisibility Cloak. And don’t skive off classes to visit me either.”

 

Sirius knew protesting would be ineffective, so he grabbed the Invisibility Cloak off the floor and threw it around himself. He kissed Remus’ temple, but he’d already fallen asleep.


	10. 010. Alcohol

****010\. ALCOHOL** **

 

“Remus?”

 

“Yes, Sirius?”

 

“Have you ever been sitting in class . . . ?”

 

“. . . Nearly every day, yes.”

 

“Wait. I didn’t finish my thought.”

 

“You have thoughts? You’re too drunk to have thoughts.”

 

“Mmm – we gotta celebrate! To the end of sixth year – __whoops__!” 

 

“You can’t even stand up!”

 

“Neither can you!”

 

Indeed, as Remus got up from the floor he tripped over his own feet. The idea had been to help Sirius, but he was in just as bad shape, firewhisky having replaced all the blood in his veins.

 

“Is Jamie-Boy passed out?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“Shame. Can I finish my thought?”

 

“All right.”

 

Sirius sat down on the floor next to where Remus had tripped. The stone was cold, but neither boy seemed to mind. Sirius pushed the fringe away from Remus’ eyes and kept his hand on his cheek.

 

“I love you.”

 

“You love everybody when you’re drunk.”

 

“So? This case it’s true.”

 

“What about your thought?”

 

“Oh yeah! I forgot! Okay, so have you ever been sitting in class and you got something in your nose? Only when it happens to me, I can’t pick it because it would be __really__ gross and Odette fucking watches me every day so sometimes I think I should pretend to pick my nose, even if anything isn’t really there. Only when something __is__ there, I can’t think about anything except getting it out of nose and then sometimes when I breathe it’ll __move__ . . . but not enough to, like, dislodge it from my nose, but enough that I can __feel__ it there, moving when I inhale.”

 

Remus didn’t need a mirror to know that the look on his face was a mixture of confusion, shock, and disgust. He had no idea what to say; he had been rendered absolutely speechless.

 

“Though when my nose is clean, all I can think of in class is watching you come.”

 

“Oh?” Now this was a subject Remus could really get behind. Sex and Sirius were becoming his two favorite pastimes.

 

“I’ll think about how your mouth feels when you’re giving me head or about how you pant my name when I got my fingers in your arse.”

 

“Sirius . . .”

 

“And I wonder how you’ll say my name when __I’m__ in you.” Sirius rotated his neck and sat the firewhisky bottle on the floor. His hands roamed over his t-shirt and Remus’ breath caught as he watched him. 

 

“. . . how I’ll lick the sweat off your back as I’m thrusting in and out. . . .” Sirius’ fingers fumbled around with his belt before undoing his fly and pushing his trousers around his knees. He shoved his pants just below his erection, his hand curling around it, stroking slowly. 

 

Briefly, Remus wondered what would happen if James or Peter woke up, but watching Sirius pull on his own cock, the vein pulsating underneath, his other hand playing with his balls – wait, what was Remus thinking about again? He could hardly concentrate on anything other than Sirius wanking in front of him.

 

“. . . mmm, or, god, even how __you’ll__ feel in __me__. . . .”

 

Something broke inside Remus’ brain as Sirius quickened his pace and began to slowly moan, “ _ _Reemus__ . . . mmm, god, you’ve no idea what you do to me,” and he quickly undid his own trousers and began to pump his own cock. The alcohol made his head swim and he could hardly think for watching Sirius.

 

“What – what d’you think about?” asked Sirius, licking away the beaded line of sweat above his upper lip. “When you wank?”

 

Remus swallowed hard as his thumb ran over the tip of his erection, gathering the moisture that was already seeping out, and spreading it down his shaft.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“Sirius . . .”

 

“Don’t be embarrassed, Moony. Tell me.”

 

“I – I think about you . . . watching me wank . . .”

 

“Me watching?” A smile spread across Sirius’ face. “That’s kinky, Moony. Mmmm, knowing you’re watching me is . . . __uhhhh__ . . . you’re really hard.”

 

Remus nodded, his eyes glued to Sirius’ hand. Sirius sat up on his knees, his eyes heavy with arousal, and he leaned forward, kissing Remus, and coming all over Remus’ lap. It was warm over Remus’ hand and it took two more strokes before he was coming as well, the evidence of their orgasms mixing together.

 

“I love watching you come,” Sirius muttered against Remus’ mouth.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And telling me what you think about when you wank. If firewhisky acts like a truth serum for you, we should fucking drink it more often.”

 

“I never would have – in front of you if it hadn’t been for the alcohol.”

 

Sirius’ lazy grin widened. “Then we should __definitely__ drink it more often.”


	11. 011. Bright

****011.** **BRIGHT** **

 

It began with a plea to skip breakfast to walk by the lake, to spend the very last moments of sixth year together before they had to go to the train and spend the day in a compartment with James and Peter. The part of Remus’ brain that controlled rational thought instantly turned to __off__ when Sirius kissed him, outside, under the morning sun.

 

Remus’ back was pressed into the prickly grass, the lower part of his body weighted down by Sirius. By them lay their forgotten t-shirts, rumpled by the hurriedness of their hands, their fingers aching to touch bare skin.

 

When their chests finally came in contact, Remus groaned at the sensation of skin touching skin. He ran his fingers up and down Sirius’ smooth back, lifting his hips and grinding against him, feeling the friction of their erections pressing through their trousers.

 

“You don’t . . .” Sirius began, pulling down Remus’ trousers and pants. “You don’t have to be so . . . gentle all the time.”

 

“What?” breathed Remus, gasping as Sirius took hold of his cock.

 

“You can be rough if you want.”

 

“I don’t—”

 

“Or use your stern prefect voice. I like that.”

 

“To say what?”

 

“Dirty things.”

 

“You – you __like__ dirty talk?”

 

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. Try it.”

 

“We don’t have alcohol. I don’t think—”

 

“Do it anyway.” The look in Sirius’ eyes was pleading. “Do this for me. Next time, I’ll do whatever you want. I promise, I’ll do whatever you say next time. I love you and I just want to do something new before we don’t see each other for two months.”

 

“Are you bored already? I don’t have as much experience as you, but . . .”

 

“No! I’m not bored. I want things to never __get__ boring – for either of us. That’d fucking kill me if I knew you were bored and wanted to get rid of me because of it. But we’ve done everything, haven’t we? I’ve put my mouth in some very indecent places, in case you’ve forgot.”

 

“Yeah, but you liked it.”

 

“I – what?”

 

“You liked sticking your tongue in my arse, didn’t you?” whispered Remus, scared to speak too loudly in case the trees behind them overheard. “You liked feeling my orgasm from behind. You’re a right tart. You like having my cock in your mouth, too, don’t you?”

 

Sirius swallowed audibly and quickened his pace on Remus’ erection. Remus’ fingers undid Sirius’ trousers and pants, and he pulled his cock out, running his fingers over it.

 

“I want you to do it again,” said Remus. “I want you to suck on me and make me come. Do you want to?” 

 

Remus barely saw Sirius nod before he was pushing against him, flipping them over so that Sirius was underneath him. 

 

“You want it? Say it – do you want it?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“ _ _Say it__.”

 

“I . . . want it . . . your cock . . . my mouth. . . .”

 

“Good.”

 

Remus got up and turned himself around, his knees near Sirius’ shoulders. He lowered his head to Sirius’ cock, taking him into his mouth. His own erection was bobbing in front of Sirius’ chin, taunting him like a biscuit hanging in front of a starving dog, just out of reach. Remus felt Sirius’ shoulders readjust and he was now leaning upwards, his tongue out and licking the length of Remus’ shaft.

 

“ _ _Mmmm__ ,” Remus moaned; it vibrated against Sirius and he let out a moan of his own.

 

He knew his arse was in the air and he felt a warm breeze against his skin. His backside craved Sirius’ fingers; he felt his muscles clenching from the want. In this position that was impossible and so Remus concentrated on feeling and giving, the way his belly tingled and tightened, the way his own tongue curled around Sirius, the way Sirius tasted – like salt and boy.

 

And then the taste was everywhere – thick and hot. Sirius’ mouth vibrated as he groaned, emptying himself out in Remus’ mouth.

 

He wasn’t far behind, his orgasm pooling itself around his groan and shooting out, leaving him breathless and weightless, and he dropped down beside Sirius, his arms having finally given out.

 

“Moony . . .”

 

“Yeah?” Remus felt too tired to even lift his head and look at Sirius.

 

“You didn’t need firewhisky to do that stuff after all. You just needed a little bit of me.”


	12. 012. Dark

**012\. DARK**

 

Remus told his parents he was tired and went up to his room to sleep, even though the sun had only just begun to set. He flopped down on his old bed, creaky with age and dusty from neglect. He fell into sleep immediately and when he woke up, it was nighttime. He shuffled around his room, bumping into his desk and his chest of drawers before finding where he’d set his wand last night. With a mumbled __Lumos__ , Remus opened up his trunk, knowing there should be some leftover sweets from the train ride home.

 

His room felt dark and heavy and even though they’d been apart for only a handful of hours, Remus really missed his mates. As he rummaged through his things, he pulled out an envelope that he hadn’t remembered packing. His name was scrawled on the outside in thick letters. He ran his finger underneath the sealed flap, tearing it open. 

>   
>  __Dear Moony,_ _
> 
>  
> 
> __James says to come the third week in July. It’s a week after July’s full moon so you should be feeling better by then. Stay for a couple weeks. I doubt you can survive that long without my wit and charm, so – remember that wizard camera idea? Yeah, this is what developed from it. Haha – I’m god with the puns._ _
> 
> __Yours truly, and so on and so forth,_ _
> 
> __Pads_ _
> 
> __P.S. I would’ve told you on the train about coming to visit, but it’s better with the photos, isn’t it?_ _

Remus turned the envelope over and out spilled a handful of photographs, all magical and moving. Sirius had charmed the camera to levitate and take pictures, but Remus hadn’t given the film any thought after that night. Except, here they were, themselves as two-dimensional people, kissing, Sirius pinning Remus to the bed and biting lightly on his shoulder. Then there were pictures Sirius had obviously taken in his own bed, by myself, his hand around his cock, his lips mouthing something. . . .

 

 

It was __Remus__. Sirius was mouthing Remus’ name as he touched himself.

 

“Oh god,” muttered Remus, his cock beginning to slowly harden. “I’ve no self-control. No self-control at all.”

 

It was true; he couldn’t control himself around Sirius. His body reacted in ways that were pleasurable, but frightening all the same. He wanted to retain the ability to think clearly, but he couldn’t. It seemed all Sirius and he did was fool around and make each other come. Was that really love? Or was that mutual lust? It was confusing, but Remus couldn’t ignore the reactions his body was making at the pictures of Sirius wanking. He could practically feel Sirius in his hands, taste him in his mouth.

 

In the background, his ears picked up the voices of his parents, talking in their bedroom. Not wanting them to hear him, Remus got up and went into his bathroom, shedding his clothes, and turning on the shower. He stepped under the water, the steam curling around him. His chin lifted up and his mouth opened, allowing the water to wash over his tongue, as though washing the phantom taste of Sirius away.

 

Not wanting the taste wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he __did__ want the taste. He didn’t want to part from anything that reminded him of Sirius. 

 

He knew he would go to James’ house in a month, but while he was at home he needed to be the Remus his parents knew. He didn’t need to be the Remus pining away for Sirius. With his hand firmly around his cock, Remus closed his eyes, remembering the pictures Sirius sent. His hand felt good, but Sirius’ mouth felt better, so that’s what he imagined – with long, slow licks up the underside of his erection . . . lips opened far too wide to be smiling as they drew him in . . . fingers pressing in his backside . . . 

 

Those fingers – Remus widened his stance in the shower and inhaled deeply, flexing his fingers. He held his breath as his fingers felt along his arse, mimicking the things Sirius’ fingers did. Remus pushed one in, his knees buckling in response. He closed his eyes against the hot steam, picturing Sirius’ hands, Sirius’ mouth, Sirius’ everything.

 

“ _ _Uhhhh__ ,” groaned Remus as quietly as he could, hoping that the shower was loud enough to cover-up his moans. He held his hands out under the water, erasing the evidence of his wanking, the evidence of how much he wanted Sirius.

 

Figuring he might as well make use of the hot water, Remus reached for the soap. He didn’t want to forget Sirius; he could never forget him. He just needed to make sure he still remembered who __he__ was, because all his time had been spent doing homework and sneaking away to kiss Sirius. He hadn’t had much time for __him__.

 

Though, he couldn’t deny that thinking of Sirius made even the middle of the night seem not quite so dark.


	13. 013. Alone

****013\. ALONE** **

 

Remus had taken off all his clothes. Outside, the moon was bright, almost full, but not quite. It shone through the open window, illuminating Remus’ skin in blue light. The blonde of his hair looked almost white from the moon’s glow. Everything about him seemed seraphic, like a gift, like something Sirius wasn’t supposed to have.

 

Without words, Remus’ hand ran down to his cock and began stroking. Sirius watched, his eyes swallowing up the sight. He felt drunk, intoxicated with Remus – as though he needed nothing but Remus; food and oxygen no longer served a purpose for his body.

 

Slowly and quietly, Remus turned around and pushed himself up on all-fours. He was hard, his erection pointing towards the bed. He turned his head, his eyes seeking Sirius, and he smiled invitingly. Sirius didn’t need to be told. He knew what Remus would say; they spoke the same language, giving commands, relaying thoughts, needs and wants through kisses and touches, through thrusting hips and arching backs.

 

Sirius added his clothes to the pile of Remus’ on the floor. He got up on the bed, feeling the wool of the blankets scratching his knees. His fingers ran up the backs of Remus’ thighs, over his arse, and to his hips. He let go of Remus just long enough to grab his wand from the bedside table and whisper a quick spell. His fingers were slick and he used them on Remus, stroking the inside of his arse. 

 

“ _ _Mmm__ ,” Remus moaned, pushing back into Sirius’ hand. “Your fingers feel fucking amazing. I want you. . . .”

 

“Want you, too,” mumbled Sirius, stroking his cock to get it hard, to get it ready. 

 

“I want your cock in me. I want it fucking my arse.”

 

“Yeah – want it, too.”

 

Sirius was ready. He kissed the dip in Remus’ back, licking the sweat there. He molded himself over his back, his fingers slipping out and going to his cock. He positioned himself and—

 

__BOOM!_ _

 

“FUCKING BLOODY SHIT!” Sirius yelled, falling off the bed. He hit the back of his head on his bedside table. His fingers reached up and rubbed the spot, knowing there would be a knot. He blinked and looked around his room. Sunlight streamed into his room in broken bands through the half-open shutters. From outside, he could hear the familiar sounds of James tossing the Quaffle back and forth with his dad, occasionally one of them missing, and the Quaffle hitting the outside of the house.

 

It had been all a dream – a dream that left Sirius with his usual morning erection and aching chest. Subtracting Remus from his daily life was like missing a vital organ. But he put on a good front and James never guessed that he missed Remus profusely.

 

Sirius crawled over to his trunk and pulled out his daily planner – something that he only used to keep up with the full moons. He flipped to June. Two weeks without Moony and two more to go before he would come for a visit. With a sigh, Sirius tossed his planner back into his trunk and climbed back into bed. 

 

Waking up alone in his room wasn’t ideal, but Sirius was slightly – pathetically – comforted knowing that Remus would join him in his dreams. So even though it was morning, Sirius closed his eyes to try and get at least another hour’s sleep.


	14. 014. Long Distance

****014.** **LONG DISTANCE** **

 

Remus had Apparated to the Potter house mid-morning and spent the rest of the day with James, Peter, and Sirius. They lounged in the back garden and went swimming. They let the sun dry their skin and ate cold cheese sandwiches in the woods behind James’ house. They had dinner with James’ parents and listened to his dad talk about Quidditch and his mum lecture about their potential future careers. There was only one spare bedroom, which Peter took, and Sirius offered to have Remus room with him.

 

Their bodies ached from swimming and playing Quidditch all day, their muscles still twitching, and they welcomed the chance to lie down between sheets enchanted with cooling charms. Sirius waved his wand and Imperturbed his bedroom door.

 

“James doesn’t mind that I’m in here?” asked Remus.

 

“No, but he did ask that I cast a spell so that he can’t hear us.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Sirius laid down next to Remus and tangled their limbs together. Remus felt slightly stiff.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Bollocks. You’ve been farther away from me today than you’ve been the past month.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“ _ _Oh__. What’s wrong?” Sirius repeated.

 

“Well . . . I suppose . . .”

 

“Yes?” prompted Sirius.

 

“Well, before we left school, we were doing . . . __things__ nearly every day and then summer holidays came and a month without you made me realize how much fooling around we do and nothing else. When we’re alone, I mean.”

 

Sirius was confused. “I don’t understand.”

 

“I realized how much I feel out of control when I’m around you and—”

 

“ _ _Out of control__?” cried Sirius, pushing away from Remus and sitting up. “But – __you__ initiate half of what we do! I don’t fucking believe this.”

 

“No, no!” said Remus, sounding miserable. He sat up as well and reached for Sirius. “I want to make sure that when we’re alone we can do other things than fool around and have sex.”

 

“We don’t __have__ sex.”

 

“Well not with – but we use mouths and fingers and things.”

 

“Right,” said Sirius. “Mouths and fingers and things.”

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

 

“Remus . . . I missed you so much, I can’t even . . . well . . . I missed you loads and I thought when I saw you again we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other.”

 

“You’ve no idea how hard it is for me not to touch you right now, but I need to know that I can control myself. Once a month I don’t have any control of who I am. I don’t make decisions, the wolf does, and when I’m with you, something in my brain shuts down and don’t get me wrong – I like – I __love__ what we do. You make me feel like . . .”

 

“Like what?” 

 

“I don’t know. Obviously, you’re the only boy I’ve been with, but I’ve kissed a couple girls before and they never made me feel like you do.” Remus sighed. “I’m sorry.”

 

“No,” said Sirius, still feeling a bit confused. “When you kiss me, it’s hard to think about anything else, but I __like__ the not thinking.”

 

“You’re never not in control of yourself, though.”

 

“That’s true.” Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’ hair. “We can be alone without attacking each other’s cocks, I’m sure.”

 

“Attack?”

 

Sirius sniggered. “Yeah. I won’t try to do anything tonight, but you’ve got to kiss me. A month without your mouth, Remus, a __month__. I dreamt about you loads.”

 

“Really?” Remus bit down on his lower lip, probably to keep from smiling.

 

“Yeah. Some were just of you in general. Some were really dirty, though. Like when you talked dirty to me that time.”

 

Remus flushed. “I can’t believe I did that.”

 

“Me neither. It was brilliant.”

 

“I’ll have to remember that. Well, since we’re confessing things . . . I looked at the photos you sent me a lot.”

 

“Yeah? How often is ‘a lot’?”

 

Remus sighed. “More often than I’d really like to admit.”

 

“Did you wank to them?”

 

Remus’ eyes stayed on Sirius’. “Yes.”

 

Sirius grinned. “Brilliant.” He moved closer to Remus on his bed. “I thought of you every time I did it. I couldn’t help myself.”

 

“Right,” breathed Remus. He swallowed hard. “You know, if you don’t mind, I’d rather think that I’ll start my self-control around you another time.” He pressed his lips against Sirius’, opening his mouth with his tongue.

 

Sirius moaned into the kiss, wrapping his tongue around Remus’. 

 

“No,” he said after a few seconds, pushing Remus away. “I have more self-control than you think.” He laid down and pulled Remus down next to him. He entwined their bodies together again and pulled the sheets over them. “Though, tonight I’ll probably dream about you naked.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Tell me about one of your dreams.”

 

“You really want to know?” asked Sirius, nuzzling the side of Remus’ neck.

 

“Yes.”

 

“All right. There was this one dream I had . . . and you had me on my back, my knees about your ears . . . and you were all thrusty.”

 

“Thrusty?”

 

“Yeah, in me, really slowly. Before that you had your mouth on me and kissing my arse and between my arse cheeks, y’know. Then, you had fingers in me and then __you__ were finally in me. And you told me to touch myself while we fucked.”

 

“Did I really say that word?”

 

“You say the filthiest things in my dreams. I’m glad you’re here,” said Sirius, hugging Remus more tightly. 

 

Remus smiled against Sirius’ shoulder. 

 

“I love you. Goodnight.”


	15. 015. Shower

****015\. SHOWER** **

 

They ran through the woods, dodging trees and roots. Halfway through the run, Remus realized Sirius had transformed into Padfoot and had run further ahead and out of sight. His lungs felt as though they were on fire and he slowed his legs to a steady jog, blinking his eyes against the sudden mist in the air.

 

In the distance, a dog barked. Remus slowed again to a walk and looked around. He was deep in the woods and overhead thunder crackled from miles away.

 

“Sirius?” called Remus. “Siri – __oof__!”

 

Padfoot leapt out between the trees, jumping up, his front paws landing on Remus’ chest.

 

“Right. Hello. Change back.”

 

“I think we lost him,” said Sirius immediately after he changed, shaking off the feeling of dog from his body.

 

“I’ve never seen James so angry.”

 

Sirius waved a dismissive hand. “He wasn’t angry.”

 

“He said he was going to get his house-elf to gouge his eyes out after he hexes all our body hair off.”

 

“He exaggerates. Besides, you’re the one with the seven chest hairs. I’ve only got six. Right difficult task, hexing all that hair off.”

 

“I’ve __nine__ hairs,” joked Remus. “Besides, next time I think you should probably keep your hands to yourself around the house.” He glanced up; the clouds were running quickly across the sky, bumping into each other and growing grayer.

 

“You’re leaving day after tomorrow and then I won’t see you for another entire month. I wanted to make the most of our time.” Sirius grinned. “That just happened to mean undoing your trousers.”

 

“Except James came in with your hand down my pants.”

 

“He’s jealous is all. He tries, but he’s still uneasy about you and me and how I like to stick my tongue in some highly sacrilegious places.”

 

“Clearly James is the one with the problem, not you, who likes to lick between my toes.”

 

“Once!” cried Sirius. “I did that once! To see what the whole foot fetish thing was about, but your feet, Moony, my god, they taste like lent.”

 

“So my feet are safe?”

 

“Yes. For now.”

 

“How reassuring.”

 

“I wasn’t referring to your toes before,” said Sirius. “I was referring to your arse, which is lovely and should be worshiped always.”

 

“I knew it. You only want me for my body.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I want you for your mind. Who else would I get to do my Transfiguration homework?”

 

“Who else indeed?”

 

The first raindrop hit the tip of Remus’ nose. The WWN had said nothing about rain showers when they listened to it that morning at the breakfast table. The second drop fell on top his head, the third on his shoulder. The fourth hit his lips as he turned his head to look up at the sky again. His tongue poked out, ready to lick the droplet away when Sirius squeezed his shoulder, halting all his movements.

 

“Let me,” he whispered, leaning forward and kissing the rain away from Remus’ mouth. He pulled away and tilted his head to the side, as though studying Remus through new eyes. “Huh.”

 

“What?”

 

Sirius shook out his hair, which was becoming more and more wet as the rain began to fall harder. The rain stuck to his eyelashes in large droplets and rolled down his nose, dripping off the end. It fell into his mouth as he parted his lips to smile, and weighted his clothes down until his t-shirt stuck to him like a second skin. Remus took in a deep breath, the familiar tingles growing about his groin. 

 

“Nothing. Just . . . I think I finally understand what you meant about wanting to be alone without fooling around.”

 

“Just now? I’ve been here nearly two weeks.”

 

Sirius nodded. “I know, but now you’re all wet and look – your teeth are chattering.”

 

“I’m always cold,” whispered Remus.

 

“I know. I’d offer to be your blanket and cover you up, but I’m as soaked as you are.”

 

Remus offered Sirius a small smile.

 

“I like this,” said Sirius, “standing here in the rain. Your eyes have flecks of blue in them. I never noticed before. Always thought they were brown.”

 

“No.”

 

“And your hair has loads of blonde.”

 

Remus nodded. “Shall I tell you what you look like as well?”

 

“You’re ruining the moment. Though if you want to talk, go ahead. I like your voice.”

 

“I sound hoarse all the time, like there’s a toad next to my larynx.”

 

“I’m going to pretend I know what that means and continue on. I like your voice and I like your hair and your eyes. I like that you know more than just spells in Latin, too. That’s kind of cool, actually.”

 

“Mmm,” hummed Remus.

 

“I like being around you. I like being around you and not fooling around, though I do like a good orgasm. It somehow doesn’t seem the most important thing when I’m with you. Does that make me sound like a girl?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Sirius punched Remus in the shoulder. “Wanker.”

 

Remus punched him back. “Tosser.”

 

“D’you really love me?”

 

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

 

“I didn’t think you would. It’s a bit strange to have someone tell me that. Girls have before, but you know how girls are. Mad, all of them. Completely off their rockers. Think that if a bloke touches their bumpy chest bits the right way that we love them.”

 

“No one ever told you they loved you?”

 

Sirius shook his head.

 

“Can I make a deal with you about something?” When Sirius nodded, Remus continued. “If we go back to James’ house where it’s __warm__ , I’ll talk dirty to you tonight.”

 

“ _ _Really__?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Mmm, you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

 

“I thought I was the only boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

 

“That’s why you’re the best.” Sirius looked at his wristwatch. 

 

“What time is it?”

 

“Time for us to get home so we can get naked.”


	16. 016. Standing

****016.** **STANDING** **

 

Sirius was halfway through with his shower when he was pushed back against the tile.

 

“Hello,” said Sirius, water dripping in front of his eyes. He pushed his hair back, shaking his head as he did so.

 

“Hello,” said Remus, his lips kissing Sirius’ shoulder. “I heard the water and thought, ‘What the hell?’ and decided to join you.”

 

“Very – __ah__ – considerate of you.”

 

Remus pulled away and grinned. “I thought so.”

 

Sirius ran his soapy hands down Remus’ bare chest, skipping over his nipples, and grasped his hips. He pulled Remus to him until their chests were flushed together and he reached between their bodies. His fingers gripped Remus’ half-hard cock and began to stroke.

 

“Even when you’re clean,” breathed Remus, his eyelids lowering, “you’re dirty.”

 

“Yeah? How dirty?” asked Sirius, tingling feelings shooting to his groin. He wondered if it was possible to come just from listening to Remus talk. The best part of Remus saying those naughty things was that he only said it because he loved Sirius; no one else would get him to talk like that and Sirius knew it.

 

Remus laughed. “Very dirty.”

 

Sirius was disappointed. He kissed Remus’ jaw, then his neck. He pressed his lips to his shoulder and sunk his teeth into the wet flesh, leaving ridges behind in the skin. Widening his stance so that his feet were braced against either side of the tub, Sirius ground his hips against Remus’ hand, moaning.

 

“Like that?” whispered Remus. “What do you think about when I’ve got my hand on you like this? Do you think of your cock in my arse?”

 

Sirius moaned again and shook his head slightly. 

 

“Do you think of my cock in your arse, then?” When Sirius nodded, Remus continued, “You think of me thrusting in and out, __fucking__ you into the mattress?”

 

Sirius nearly choked hearing him actually say the word “fucking.” It was amazing; __Remus__ was amazing.

 

“Or maybe against the wall? You like being a submissive little puppy, don’t you? Like thinking of me fucking you. Maybe I should do it here in the shower, your face pressed against the tile, water stinging your eyes as I push inside you?”

 

“Do it,” whispered Sirius.

 

Remus’ hand stilled on Sirius’ erection. “Pardon?”

 

“I said—”

 

“I heard you.”

 

“Oh . . .” 

 

“That’s what you want? Me to do it first?” Remus began to stroke him again, very slowly, but with a steady rhythm. His lips met Sirius’ neck, then his collarbone. Bending his knees, Remus’ tongue licked one of Sirius’ nipples before sucking on it softly. He sunk fully to his knees, his mouth against Sirius’ stomach. “You want me inside you? Fucking you?” he asked, his voice slightly muffled against Sirius’ wet skin. 

 

He looked up, the shower hitting his back and shoulders. Sirius nearly choked in anxious anticipation.

 

“What about before that? What do you want?”

 

Sirius swallowed. “I don’t know. . . . Your mouth.”

 

“My mouth on your cock? Sucking you? My fingers in your arse, working you, readying you?”

 

Sirius nodded.

 

“You have to tell me what you want, Padfoot. I like knowing what I’m doing is what you actually want.”

 

“Yeah – I want you to suck on me and put your fingers in me. And I want you to want it.”

 

Remus grinned.

 

“You like dirty talk, too?”

 

Remus shook his head.

 

“Then what? You like being bossed around?”

 

Remus shrugged. “Sometimes. It sounds appealing.”

 

“Good. So stay on your knees and open your mouth.”


	17. 017. Kneeling

017

****017\. KNEELING** **

Words: 680

 

Remus remained on his knees in the shower, opening his mouth and taking Sirius in. He used his tongue against the thick cock, his hand stroking the bottom of Sirius’ shaft. His free hand went around to Sirius’ arse and squeezed.

 

“ _ _Nuuuuuagh__ ,” moaned Sirius, his fingers tangling in Remus’ hair.

 

His knees were beginning to grow sore from the hard porcelain tub underneath him, but he kept kneeling until Sirius spilled into his mouth. He spit it into the tub, letting the water rush it down the drain. With the back of his hand, he wiped his mouth and looked up at Sirius, who was leaning against the tile wall, his breath coming in heavy pants.

 

“Do you still want to . . . ?” Remus asked, rising from his knees.

 

Sirius opened his eyes. They were dark with lust and arousal. He nodded slowly. “But not here.”

 

“No,” agreed Remus.

 

Remus turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing his wand from next to the sink and drying them both off. With clammy fingers, he grasped Sirius’ hand led him into the bedroom. He ran his hands up and down Sirius’ side, feeling the other boy’s skin break out in gooseflesh that he was certain wasn’t from the cold. 

 

He watched as Sirius climbed on the bed and got on his stomach. Remus laid down next to him and nudged him over until Sirius was on his back.

 

“Don’t,” whispered Remus. “On your back is too much like . . . like animals. Like a wolf would do to his mate. Face me, like a man.”

 

Remus kissed him then, hard on the mouth. There was the taste of fear on Sirius’ cold lips. Remus kissed it away and replaced it with the taste with love and honesty and devotion. He found the vial on Sirius’ bedside table and lightly coated his fingers.

 

“I love you,” he breathed into Sirius’ mouth as his fingers went inside him. “I love you.”

 

“ _ _Mmmmm__ ,” answered Sirius, lifting his hips. His hands searched above him on the bed until they grasped onto the pillows. He lifted his hips, placed them underneath him, helping Remus with the angle. 

 

This was it; this was the ultimate act, the thing that would define them as lovers, as gay men. There would be no awkward laughter about it being a phase, about it being because they lived in the same room for so many years. Because being addicted to Sirius wasn’t something that had an off switch; it was something you lived with, something you dreamt about, something your body craved like oxygen, like water.

 

As Remus used his slick fingers on his hardened cock, he thought, __This is the dream realized__ _._ He pressed inside Sirius, feeling him tight and warm. 

 

__This__ was truth; they were together now in every sense of the word; they were one. Turning back was no longer an option.

 

__This__ was love; Sirius surrendering, offering up his dignity, humbling himself, allowing Remus to do this and do this first.

 

Remus pressed in further and withdrew. He repeated it, slowly, feeling heat build up inside his body. All the dirty talk and telling of naughty dreams was nothing compared to this, the almost languid pace they had of hips meeting hips, the way their eyes were locked, with lustful smiles on their faces. 

 

Sirius reached his hand up and cupped it around Remus’ cheek. A bead of sweat trickled down from Remus’ temple and curved around Sirius’ fingers.

 

“ _ _I love you__ ,” Sirius whispered, his voice low, as though it was a special secret only for Remus’ ears. 

 

Remus came, mumbles of Sirius’ name on his lips. He breathed heavily, taking in the scents of sex and sweat – of him and Sirius, together, their coupling. He pulled out, feeling a sense of abandonment and cold. As Sirius put his arms around him and pulled him down, that feeling was lost among the hug and he rested his head on Sirius’ chest, wishing that all his dreams could end up this good.


	18. 018. Swinging

****018\. SWINGING** **

 

Sirius, James, and Peter went into the town less than a kilometer away from the Potters’ house. Dressed in Muggle clothes, they decided to pretend to be Muggles and went into one of their pubs. It wasn’t much different than wizard pubs. The barmaid didn’t ask for IDs and they all told her they were eighteen. They drank scotch and water and laughed about past pranks and Snivellus’ most embarrassing moments.

 

“Need another drink, there, boys?” she asked, sauntering up to their booth.

 

“No, thanks,” squeaked Peter with a hiccup.

 

James shook his head.

 

“’m okay, too.”

 

The barmaid slid into the seat next to Sirius. “You look like you could use another. How ‘bout it? On the house?”

 

“No, I don’t wanna look at m’dinner again.”

 

The barmaid put her arm around him. “You boys are the only ones left in the pub, did yeh realize tha’?” To Sirius she said, “Feel like a go ‘round in upstairs? I betcha could use a good teacher, yeah?”

 

“Oh, I know a lot already,” replied Sirius, remaining very casual under the woman’s touch.

 

“Not a virgin, then, are yeh? You look like one.” She winked.

 

“No . . . no, I’m not a virgin.”

 

James laughed and downed the rest of his scotch. “Yeah, right.”

 

“Have a girlfriend?” the barmaid asked.

 

“Sorta,” answered Sirius.

 

“He doesn’ – __ouch__! James!” Peter rubbed his arm where James elbowed him.

 

“If you do, tha’s a’right. I don’ mind. Me boyfriend and I swing all the time.”

 

“He doesn’t swing,” answered James. “Not for your team at least. He Beats for the other team. God, so many innuendos with that one. Not nearly enough time. Gimme another scotch. Thanks, love.”

 

The barmaid eyed Sirius. “You don’ look like one of them nancy-boys. You’re all sexy-like.”

 

“Thanks,” muttered Sirius.

 

“But Sirius isn’t a – a – a—” Peter stammered.

 

“Homosexual? Queer? Fag? Poofter? Is that what you want to say, Petey?” snapped Sirius.

 

“Lay off him,” warned James.

 

“You fucking lay off, mate.”

 

“So are yeh or aren’t yeh?” asked the barmaid.

 

“I am,” said Sirius, looking straight at Peter. 

 

“But,” said Peter. “I don’t. Understand.”

 

“No, really,” interrupted James, “I need another scotch.”

 

“How is it?” asked the barmaid. “The sex with other men.” Her fingers played with Sirius’ hair.

 

“Really fucking good,” said Sirius. “Amazing.”

 

“Did you know about this, James?” asked Peter. 

 

James nodded. “Unfortunately. I caught them.”

 

“Caught who? Does Remus know?”

 

James laughed. “Oh, god, what I wouldn’t give to be passed out right now. Hey, bartender—”

 

“His name’s Randal,” said the barmaid.

 

“Hey, Randal!” shouted James. “Gimme a bottle of scotch. I’ll pay for it!”

 

“Remus knows,” answered Sirius.

 

“Who is Remus?” asked the barmaid. “Is that yer boyfriend?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Peter spilled his drink. “Merlin’s balls!” he cried. He was looking at Sirius, not his spilt drink. “ _ _Remus__? Uptight, nose-in-a-book __Remus__? Remus John Lupin? We’re thinking of the same Remus, yeah?”

 

“Don’t be an idiot,” snapped James. “How many boys named Remus d’you know? Seriously, where the fuck is that scotch?”

 

“You had sex with __Remus__?”

 

“No,” corrected Sirius, “he had sex with me before he left yesterday.”

 

Peter stared and James almost fell out of his seat.

 

“You were – you were – you were __bottom__?” cried James. “I don’t . . . I don’t understand.”

 

“I can explain it to yeh, if yeh like,” the barmaid offered.

 

“No! Not enough scotch for that,” wailed James.

 

“How come I didn’t know?” asked Peter.

 

“It wasn’t planned,” said Sirius. “But James stumbled upon us one day. You know. With lovebites and all that rot.”

 

“Lovebites? From __Remus__?”

 

“He loves to bite,” sighed Sirius. “Everywhere. We didn’t want to tell. It’s a secret. You can’t tell a soul. In fact, when we get back home I’mma make up a contract so if you tell your balls’ll fall off.”

 

“You’re not clever enough to figure that out,” snapped Peter.

 

“Aren’t I?”

 

Peter looked unsure. “I won’t tell. It’s just so __weird__.”

 

“Weird?” scoffed Sirius. “I didn’t tell you you were weird for falling all head over arse in love with that Hufflepuff girl, did I?”

 

“Hufflepuff?” giggled the barmaid. “Tha’s a funny-soundin’ name.”

 

“But you’re not in love with Remus, are you?” asked Peter, his eyes huge.

 

Sirius nodded. “I am. If you start laughing I’ll hex your fucking balls off right now.”

 

“But Remus’ . . . __you know__ . . . was in __your__ . . . place.”

 

“There’re proper words for that, Peter,” said Sirius calmly. “Remus’ cock in my arse?”

 

“Please shut up,” whispered James. “I don’t like this talk.”

 

“You’re such a homophobe, you twat!” yelled Sirius.

 

“I am not!” countered James. “You just shove your sexuality in my face! Just like the other day you couldn’t keep your hands in your own pants, could you? Had to just do it outside! What if my __parents__ saw you? You’re so fucking indecent!”

 

“I am not indecent! If you caught my hands up some bird’s skirt you’d have cheered me on!”

 

“No! Not where I could see!” James rubbed his eyes. “Sirius, I love you. You’re my brother, but for the love of Merlin and all that is magical, __spare me__. I want to accept you – you and Remus both – but you’re shoving it in my face and I can’t deal with it properly.”

 

“Right,” said Sirius.

 

“I’m not joking,” stated James. 

 

“I think I need to go,” said Sirius. “And have a good wank and write a dirty letter to Remus like a good boyfriend.”

 

James sighed and shook his head. “You don’t have to leave.”

 

“No, I think I do.”

 

Sirius got up to leave, but James grabbed his arm.

 

“I love you,” said James again, not looking at Sirius. “But if you use the phrase ‘Remus’ cock up my arse’ one more time I’ll __Silencio__ your vocal chords so hard you won’t talk for a month.”

 

Sirius nodded. He noted how confused the barmaid looked. As he walked towards the door he saw her waggle her eyebrows at Peter while James finally got his bottle of scotch and took a really long drink.


	19. 019. Public Place

****019\. PUBLIC PLACE** **

 

It was September and drizzly outside. Sirius slumped down in his seat on the Hogwarts Express and watched the rain trail down the window. James readjusted his Head Boy badge for the one-thousand-thirty-seventh time. Peter kept scrunching up his nose as though he was smelling something foul. Probably his armpits, thought Sirius.

 

“Stop looking so glum,” said James. “Your boyfriend’ll be here any minute.”

 

“Shut up,” mumble Sirius. 

 

The whistle blew and the train shifted, beginning to roll. The seats vibrated underneath them as the train picked up speed.

 

With a slight squeak, the compartment door opened and Remus stepped inside, towing his trunk behind him.

 

“Merlin, did you have to choose the very last compartment?” He stowed his trunk away and sat down across from Sirius, looking right at him. 

 

Sirius noticed a new cut on his neck, probably from the last moon. Otherwise, he thought Remus looked good, especially since he hadn’t seen him in a month. He really wanted to kiss him and feel their lips pressed together and their tongues brushing back and forth.

 

“Congratulations, James,” said Remus, “on being Head Boy.”

 

“Sorry it wasn’t you,” said James, looking uneasy.

 

Remus sniggered. “Right. A Head Boy who’s a werewolf? It’d never happen.”

 

“Don’t you have to be somewhere?” asked Sirius. “Like . . . meeting the Head Girl and doing rule-like things?”

 

James looked at his watch. “Shit! Yeah! I’ll see you lot later.” With a __bang__ , James left the compartment, slamming the door behind him.

 

“Have you seen Mildred Monroe yet, Pete?” said Remus. 

 

“No.”

 

“I thought I saw her just a few compartments away and she was by herself.”

 

“Really?”

 

“She probably wouldn’t mind some company, if you went and joined her.”

 

Peter stood up. “Think that’s a good idea?”

 

Remus nodded. “She’ll appreciate it, I’m sure of it.”

 

“Great, thanks!” exclaimed Peter.

 

“Did you do that on purpose?” asked Sirius when Peter was gone.

 

“I stopped by Mildred’s compartment first,” answered Remus, “and told her that one of my friends fancied her and asked her to be nice to him if he came around.”

 

“God, you’re sneaky.”

 

“I’ve hung around you for six years; I was bound to pick up something.”

 

“Shifty werewolf. I knew you lot couldn’t be trusted.”

 

“Are we going to talk the entire time the compartment’s empty or are you going to kiss me?”

 

“I love it when you’re all—”

 

But Sirius didn’t get to finish his sentence because Remus launched himself across the seats. Their lips crashed together with all the pent-up arousal that had been waiting in each of them for the past month. Remus’ hands immediately undid Sirius’ belt. He whipped it out and tossed it across the compartment, his fingers immediately going to Sirius’ fly.

 

“I kept having dreams about touching you like this again,” whispered Remus. His lips went to Sirius’ neck.

 

Sirius moaned when Remus wrapped his hand around him. “Your fingers are – __ah__ – so much better than mine.” Remus stroked him quickly, his grip firm but not too tight. Sirius came after only a couple minutes, nearly falling off the seat as he did so. “Jesusfuck,” he breathed, “I missed that.”

 

“You’ve got a minute to recover,” Remus said into his neck, “because I’ve missed this, too.” He took Sirius’ hand and pressed it into his crotch. Sirius closed his eyes, feeling the bulge underneath Remus’ trousers.

 

Sirius needed that minute to regain his senses. He used his wand to clean himself up and tuck himself back into his jeans. He looked at Remus and reached out to touch the scratch on his neck that would certainly turn into another scar.

 

“How . . . ?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Sirius kissed the cut and wrapped his arms around Remus.

 

“Are you hugging me?”

 

Sirius pushed Remus away. “No. Never. I’m not a girl.”

 

“I missed you, too.”

 

Sirius growled and pushed Remus again. Remus’ bumped into the compartment door. Sirius sank immediately to his knees and undid Remus’ trousers, freeing his erection. He licked his lips before pulling Remus inside his mouth. He sucked on him, feeling Remus’ erection pulse against his tongue. Strong fingers knotted in Sirius’ hair; Remus pushed him closer. 

 

He took all of Remus in, feeling the tip of Remus’ cock graze the back of his throat. He kept sucking and licking, one of his hands cupping Remus’ balls.

 

A loud groan exited Remus’ mouth. Sirius had a hard time not grinning because Remus was always so quiet. It was an amazing rise to his ego that he could get Remus to be vocal like that – vocal in a way that didn’t involve dirty talk.

 

Thick warm liquid coated the back of Sirius’ throat as Remus came with another groan. Sirius took all of it in, waiting until Remus gently pushed him away. His breathing was slow and heavy, his eyes half-closed; he leaned against the closed door.

 

“You look like you needed that,” said Sirius.

 

“Yeah, you’ve no idea.”

 

Remus seemed to have enough sense about him to zip up his trousers. It was a good thing, too, because just as his fingers did his button, the compartment door opened. Remus fell over backwards through the open doorway and landed on his back.

 

“Er,” he said, “hello, James. Forget something?”

 

Several students came into the corridor to see what the commotion was. Remus had made a rather loud __crash__ when he fell.

 

“Go back to your compartments!” James yelled. “There’s nothing to see here!”

 

James’ eyes glanced back and forth between Sirius and Remus. “You might want to wipe your mouth,” he said to Sirius, “before any of the students see. Right there.” He pointed to the corner of his mouth. “You great poof.”

 

Sirius licked the semen away and grinned mischievously. “Thanks, mate.” 

 

For once, James didn’t seem disgusted. He simply rolled his eyes. Looking down at Remus, he said, “Have you lost your brain cells?”

 

“Yeah,” he said. “Sirius sucked them right out of me. I mean . . .”

 

“Don’t even try to fix that one, mate,” said James. “But lock the door next time – __especially__ if you go about it in the dormitory. I’ll punch your brain cells right out of Sirius’ mouth if I walk in on anything. Understood? So just lock the door and ask me to leave you alone if you need, you know . . . time . . . together . . . or whatever.”

 

“Right,” said Sirius. “Thanks.”

 

“And you’ll do the same for me if I ask.”

 

Sirius snorted. “Yeah? You usually just wank in the shower. You don’t need alone time for that.”

 

“Not by myself, you git. If I bring a girl up!”

 

Sirius laughed. “What girl? You don’t __have__ a girl.”

 

“I might sooner than you think. Lily’s just agreed to go out on a date with me.”

 

“She was blinded by the Head Boy badge you keep polishing.”

 

“Yeah, that’s right, I’m Head Boy, so pick your boyfriend off the floor before I give you detention for fraternizing in the train compartment.”


	20. 020. Fur

****020\. FUR** **

 

Remus sat with his back up against the wall, a book open in his lap. Sirius examined his face in the mirror, his fingers rubbing across the dark hair across his jaw and over his chin. His hair was dripping down his bare back and was absorbed by the towel tied around his waist.

 

“Should I shave this? It’s itchy.”

 

Remus looked up and shrugged. “I kind of like it. It makes you look older, if that counts for anything.”

 

“It doesn’t hurt?”

 

“When you kiss me? Not really. I did feel a bit of rug-burn the last time you went down on me.”

 

“I should’ve known you liked me furry,” joked Sirius.

 

Remus grinned. “I like you __human__ and furry.”

 

“Yeah, that last time when I morphed into Padfoot got kind of weird.”

 

“Especially when Lily saw you.”

 

“Thank god she doesn’t know I’m an Animagus.”

 

“She’ll probably ask James about that mysterious dog I was playing with while they’re at Hogsmeade.”

 

“Yeah. Hear that? The sounds of an empty dormitory and bathroom. It’s brilliant.”

 

Remus grinned again. He definitely agreed. They both felt weird asking James and Peter to vacate the room so they could fool around, since their friends had become so accepting – especially James. His gesture on the train was not forgotten and Remus knew it really touched Sirius that his best mate would agree to leave the dormitory so they could get off, even if Sirius wouldn’t admit it.

 

Putting his book down, Remus got up and stood behind Sirius. He looked into Sirius’ eyes through the mirror. His arms went around Sirius’ waist and he rested his chin on his shoulder. He pressed his lips against his shoulder, his hands running up and down Sirius’ chest, his fingers flicking over his nipples.

 

“You’re insatiable,” muttered Sirius, his eyes closing.

 

“No,” said Remus, “open your eyes. And that’s why you love me, my insatiability.”

 

Sirius opened his eyes and looked at Remus through the mirror. “That’s not why I love you, but I do. Love you.”

 

Remus kissed Sirius’ shoulders and neck while his hands undid the towel.

 

“Think James and Peter will forgive us if we’re late to meet them at the Three Broomsticks?”

 

“James is on a date with Lily – he won’t care,” answered Sirius. “And Peter’s out with that Mildred bird. Good going on setting that up, by the way.”

 

Remus smiled and slipped his hands down to Sirius’ crotch. He stroked until Sirius was hard, rubbing himself against Sirius’ backside. He pushed Sirius’ hair away from the back of his neck as he kissed down his neck and spine. He knelt behind Sirius and squeezed his butt cheeks as he kissed between them. Sirius made sounds in the back of his throat as Remus pushed his tongue inside of him.

 

Remus felt Sirius shift and he realized Sirius was touching himself. He didn’t want Sirius to come yet, so he reached around and placed his hand over Sirius’, stilling his movements. The other boy groaned in frustration, but Remus kept going for a few more moments. He kissed his way back up Sirius’ body and Accio’ed the bottle of lubricant from their dormitory that Sirius had stolen over the summer from a Muggle drugstore. Remus used it on his fingers and put them inside Sirius.

 

“Jeez, Moony, you’re going to kill me, love.”

 

“Stop closing your eyes,” said Remus. “You never look at me while we do this.”

 

“Usually because I’m on my hands and knees.”

 

Remus removed his fingers and opened up his trousers to spread what was left of the lubricant on his erection. By now he could easily slide into Sirius. He went slowly at first, his hand curled around Sirius’ cock, stroking with the same rhythm. His eyes held Sirius’ in the mirror as Sirius bent slightly over the sink, his hands gripping the edges as he braced himself. They barely blinked as Remus’ cock rubbed against a place inside Sirius that caused him to moan and groan in frustrated pleasure.

 

Remus’ pace quickened and Sirius pushed back against him. 

 

“Go . . . __harder__ . . .” Sirius gasped.

 

Remus tried to go faster and harder, but his control almost broke. His eyes left the mirror as he bent down and kissed Sirius’ shoulder, his teeth sinking into the skin. He couldn’t keep his hand on Sirius’ cock and keep up his rhythm at the same time. Sirius’ hand replaced Remus’ and began to stroke himself.

 

Remus had one hand on Sirius’ stomach, pushing him back into him. His fingernails dug into his skin as he held onto him. With his other hand, Remus covered Sirius’ on the edge of the skin. Their fingers overlapped and entwined. Remus wasn’t sure when Sirius came, but he kept his hard pace, practically slamming into his mate. He spilled inside him, biting down on Sirius’ shoulder.

 

They stayed standing, breathing hard. Remus pulled out and Sirius collapsed to his knees, placing his cheek against the cold porcelain of the sink.

 

“I’ve killed you, haven’t – oh, fuck.”

 

Sirius turned around and sat down. Remus had bit him hard enough to turn the skin bright red and his stomach was scratched and bleeding from his fingernails.

 

“I – oh, shit. Oh, god. Sirius, I didn’t mean—”

 

Sirius grabbed hold on Remus’ shirt and pulled him down, kissing his mouth. “Shut up.”

 

“I hurt you.”

 

“Shut up,” repeated Sirius. “I’m – I’m fine. I wanted you to get rough with me.”

 

“But—”

 

“It’s two days until the moon and you get really tired, but really grumpy and snarky. I think it’s __good__ for you to let out your aggression. You’re certainly easier to live with when you do.”

 

“But I don’t want to hurt—”

 

“You __didn’t__!”

 

Remus was skeptical. “Sirius? Will you do it to me?”

 

“I thought you were scared? Are you ready?”

 

“I want you to. I love you.”

 

Sirius nodded. “Meet me in the dormitory.”


	21. 021. Masks

****021.** **MASKS** **

 

“You’ll fall in love with him one day,” said Remus.

 

“I don’t want to. You’re just as bad as they are.”

 

“I know, but I’m really good at not getting caught. Who are you supposed to be anyway?”

 

“Aphrodite. What about you, dressed all in black?”

 

“Sirius has a mask for me. I’m supposed to be Zorro. Don’t laugh.”

 

Lily smiled. “I wouldn’t dare. So you think one day I’ll love him?”

 

“You’ve been dating for a couple months; I’m surprised he hasn’t won you over with his charm.”

 

“What charm?”

 

“Yeah, I see your point.”

 

“I wish you had someone, Remus, you’re so amazing.”

 

“Oh, he’s got someone,” said Sirius, walking down the stairs into the common room. “It’s a secret.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I think he’s embarrassed. He gets all squirmy whenever we try to make him talk about it. You should see the lovebite he’s got on his arse.”

 

“You’ve a lovebite on your arse?”

 

Remus sighed. “Sirius? Could I see you in private for a moment?”

 

“Your mask’s upstairs. I had to charm eyeholes in it. It’s ace.”

 

Remus gave Lily an apologetic smile and went with Sirius back up the stairs. Sirius kicked James and Peter out, telling them to go ahead and get the Gryffindor Halloween Party underway. 

 

“I could kill you for saying that to Lily.”

 

“Why? Where’s that bloody – oh, here. Try it on.”

 

“Remind me again why I’m Zorro?”

 

“The whip.”

 

“Oh, god.”

 

“It turns me on.”

 

“Everything turns you on – __cheese__ could turn you on.”

 

Sirius smiled lazily. “Remember last month when you got a bit rough? James put me in a bad mood just now – talking about bloody Lily every fucking minute. He’s lost to us now. So I need something rough. Push the anger out of me, Moony.”

 

“You want to use me.”

 

“Cor, I do not. You usually turn my anger into something else.”

 

“What, then?”

 

“I don’t know. Love or some rot. Please? Be rough.”

 

“Remind me why __you’re__ never rough with __me__?”

 

Sirius pounced, pinning Remus against the closed door. “I can be,” he said, biting his neck, “if you want.” He took the mask and tied it around Remus’ eyes, but the eyeholes were in the back and Remus couldn’t see. 

 

Remus felt hands on his chest, undoing the buttons of his black shirt. Then his shirt was pushed from his shoulders; he could almost hear it hit the floor. His shoes and socks went next, then his trousers. He was very aware that he was starkers and couldn’t see anything. Sirius’ warm fingers ran across his chest. The calloused pads of his forefingers rubbed his nipples hard. Warm breath spread over his stomach and down towards his groin. 

 

Then, there was lips. Big, boy lips near his naval, on his thigh. Lips kissing his pubic hair. He rotated his hips, wanting those lips on his growing erection.

 

“You want it?” said Sirius. “I don’t think you earned it. Don’t move.”

 

Remus squirmed. “ _Ouch_!”

 

Sirius slapped his bum. 

 

“Did you just—?”

 

“Don’t talk, either.”

 

Oh, god, thought Remus. Somehow, he grew even harder.

 

Then, Sirius was gone. Remus tried to reach out with his other senses, but he didn’t feel Sirius anywhere. 

 

“Nuuagh,” he stammered as Sirius pushed him from behind.

 

“Don’t fall over,” laughed Sirius. “Put your hands here.”

 

Remus reached out and grasped the back of a chair.

 

“Stand up. Lean over. Don’t fucking move.”

 

Remus couldn’t help but laugh. It earned another slap from Sirius. Then there were slick fingers between his butt cheeks; Remus pushed back into the touch.

 

“I said” – __slap__ – “don’t” – __slap__ – “move.”

 

“Shit,” said Remus, taking off the mask. He turned around and looked at Sirius. They were both naked and both very hard. “I know why I’m the rough one,” he said and pushed Sirius backwards onto one of the empty beds. 

 

Remus straddled Sirius, his knees on either side of his hips, their erections pressed together. He leaned down and bit Sirius’ collarbone as his hand went underneath him. His mouth went to his shoulders and his arms, biting his way across Sirius’ body. With three fingers, Remus pushed inside Sirius, hard – as far in as his fingers would go.

 

“ _ _Fuck__ ,” gasped Sirius. 

 

Remus scooted down on the bed and bit Sirius’ hipbone. He noticed droplets of pre-cum on Sirius’ cock. He licked them away. Sitting up, he removed his fingers from Sirius. He flipped the other boy over onto his stomach and pulled him up so that he was on all fours.

 

Then he retaliated. He slapped Sirius right across the bum, leaving a red handprint behind. The skin turned white, then red, and began to rise up. It made Remus slightly sick, but the pleasured moans from Sirius let him know that the slaps weren’t going unappreciated. Remus’ sickness turned to arousal, realizing that __he__ was turning Sirius on. He slid inside, draping himself over Sirius’ back, his teeth biting into his skin. 

 

His hand took Sirius’ cock and stroked him. Sirius wiggled his butt and Remus wasn’t sure if it was in pleasure or if it was because his red-slapped skin was rubbing against Remus uncomfortably. Whatever the reason, it didn’t stop Remus from thrusting into Sirius as hard as he could.

 

Sirius came all over Remus’ hands. Five thrusts later, Remus came as well. He pulled out and collapsed on the bed. Sirius’ arms went around him.

 

“I know you’d only be rough with me,” he said. “I don’t think you like it.”

 

“It’s fine,” reassured Remus. He was breathing hard, completely taken aback at how intense his orgasm was.

 

“Next time . . . you choose what we do. But make it kinky.”

 

“Are you still angry?”

 

“No. I didn’t have time to be angry.”

 

“You’re really into that . . . pain stuff.”

 

“No, no, nothing __weird__.”

 

“Is it because it makes you feel?”

 

Sirius sniggered. “Psychoanalyzing me, are you?”

 

“That’s a big word – you’ve been reading James’ Muggle Studies book, haven’t you?”

 

“It __does__ make me feel and when your parents hate you and don’t love you, you take feelings where you can get them. But I feel all the time when I’m around you. I ran away to James’, but I almost died. I was fucking depressed or something, I don’t know exactly. But Christ, Moony, you don’t realize . . . that first kiss. . . .”

 

“What about it?”

 

“You fucking resurrected me. You’re my life.”

 

Remus didn’t know what to say. Instead he leaned over and kissed Sirius’ mouth, marveling at how two seventeen-year-old boys could possibly feel this intensely about one another.

 

After cleaning themselves up, they went back to the common room. Sirius was going to go as a Roman, a white sheet wrapped around his middle. Remus didn’t notice until they were surrounded by Gryffindors all the marks on Sirius’ skin. They littered his chest, stomach, and arms. There was one on his neck. All red and crescent-shaped.

 

“What happened?” asked James. Then, a quick, “Never mind.”

 

“What’re you supposed to be?” asked Peter with a tilt of his head.

 

Sirius took the butterbeer James offered him. “A chew-toy.”

 

James paled and Peter scrunched up his nose. Lily seemed oblivious as she whispered into Remus ear: “I fell.”


	22. 022. Costumes

22

**< b>022.** **COSTUMES </b>**

Words: 598

 

On Boxing Day they all went to James’ house and played Quidditch in the back garden.  Remus surprised them all with his flying skills.  He couldn’t do tricks, but he was fast.  He tried to feint, but ended up ramming into Sirius instead.

 

“Shit!” cried Remus, scrambling across the grass to where Sirius lay.

 

“. . . think you’ve killed me,” Sirius groaned, holding his shoulder.

 

“There’s potions inside that take away pain,” said James.  “I can—”

 

“No,” said Sirius, “let Remus do it.  He’s the git who tried to murder me.”

 

“Oh, I did not—”

 

“Help me up.”  

 

Remus did, and walked with Sirius into the Potters’ house.  Sirius sat down at the kitchen table and grinned up at Remus.

 

“Going to doctor me up?”

 

“Do you have to make it sound dirty?”

 

Sirius’ grin widened.  “’M not really hurt.  Just wanted you in the house.”  He took his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at Remus.  “There.  Now you look like a proper doctor.”

 

Remus looked down at himself.  Sirius had Transfigured his jacket into a lab coat.  With another swish, a stethoscope hung around his neck.

 

“You look just like the photo in James’ Muggle Studies book.  I think I have a fever.  You should take my temperature.”

 

Remus placed his hand on Sirius’ forehead.  “Nope, no fever.”

 

“Are you sure?  I’m tingling in some very embarrassing places.  I think I need medicine.”

 

Remus sighed.  “The only kind of medicine Dr. Lupin can provide?”

 

Sirius nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Well, then, I suppose if you have a fever, the most accurate way to take it is rectally.”

 

“Are you sure?  Seems rather invasive.”

 

“Quite sure.  Turn around and drop your trousers.”

 

Sirius undid his belt and his fly.  His trousers fell around his ankles as he turned to lean over the table.    He felt a cool hand caress his butt cheeks before Remus ran a hand, slick with something, between them, fingers working inside him.

 

“Nuhh,” groaned Sirius.  “Really, is that necessary for a temperature?”

 

“You’re feeling really hot now,” Remus said into his neck.  “You most certainly need some medicine.”

 

Sirius pushed back against Remus’ fingers.  “Then give it to me.”

 

“This is very special medicine.  I’m the only one who has it.”

 

“Give it to me.”

 

Sirius looked behind his shoulder at Remus.  He wanted to feel his lover in him so badly his muscles were clenching of their own accord in anticipation.  When Remus finally entered him, Sirius felt intoxicated.

 

“Mmm, is that where the medicine is?”

 

“Yes.  Just have to – <i> _mmm_ </i> . . . make sure it’s in there really good . . . before I can . . . <i> _release it_ </i>. . . .”

 

“Yeah, you’re giving it to me good.”  He grasped his hardening cock in his hand and stroked himself as Remus drove into him.  As Remus’ cock rubbed against the inside of his arse, against that place that always made Sirius groan, he came all over his hand.  Remus was close behind.  School had ended over a week ago and it had been that long since Sirius got to touch or kiss Remus so they were both quick to come.

 

“You’ve been a good patient,” breathed Remus, pulling out of Sirius.  

 

“Can I call you Dr. Remus from now on?”

 

“No.”

 

Sirius stood up, straightened, and turned around.  “But what—”

 

Remus grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward, pressing their lips together.  There was passion in that kiss and it was almost better than the sex . . . <i> _almost_ </i>.


	23. 023. Dance

023

****023\. DANCE** **

Words: 565

 

“This isn’t that kind of club,” Remus insisted. “James and Peter are here!”

 

“There’s only two more nights until we have to go back to school for our last term and I want to have fun.”

 

Remus frowned. “But this isn’t __that__ kind of club.”

 

“Fuck what kind of club it is. I want to dance . . . __with you__.”

 

Sirius stood up and fixed the collar of his black shirt. His jeans rested right on his hips and when he lifted his arms, an expanse of white skin showed. Every time Remus saw that skin he wanted to lick it, and Sirius knew this and kept raising his arms in lazy stretches

 

“Come on.”

 

“I can’t dance.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

“This is a straight club. Look – Peter’s talking to a girl over there. If we dance together . . .”

 

“Stop caring. It’ll be fine.”

 

“If we get kicked out—”

 

“I’ll take all the blame.” Sirius gave what he hoped was his best pleading look and pulled Remus by the hand to the dance floor. He turned his head slightly and caught James’ eye. Even from a distance, Sirius could see his best mate sigh into his beer bottle as though already expecting trouble.

 

“Feel the music,” Sirius said into Remus’ ear.

 

“ _ _What__?”

 

“FEEL THE MUSIC!”

 

Remus gave Sirius a pointed look which he returned with a smile. Two girls came over to them, but Sirius shook his head and moved closer to Remus. He put his hands on Remus’ hips and moved them, trying to get Remus to catch the beat of the music.

 

It didn’t take long before their movements were in synch. Their hips ground together, Sirius’ fingers hooked through Remus’ belt loops, Remus’ hands around Sirius’ neck. Their dance was like sexuality – their movements long and smooth, fluid and sensuous, but still quick enough to keep up with the heavy beats of the club music.

 

Cold, hard stares burned Sirius’ skin. Some of the girls whistled while their partners frowned. He caught a glimpse of James at the edge of the crowd, looking ready to jump in and break up a fight if need be.

 

One of Sirius’ thighs was between Remus’ legs as they danced. Physically, they were rubbing and grinding and Sirius could feel every vibration in pleasurable tingles through his groin. Visually, they were exotic dancers from a land society didn’t like to mention; they exuded sex with their rotating hips and pulsing upper bodies.

 

Suddenly, Remus turned and they were dancing front-to-back. Sirius grinned and ran his hands up Remus’ arms as he lifted them above his head. Then, taking one of Remus’ hands, he extended their arms out so that Remus was a couple feet away before spinning him back towards him, dipping him down as though he was a girl in a Latin dance.

 

Remus laughed and the spell was broken. Several people clapped as Remus stood. Sirius took a bow and held on to Remus’ hand. They walked through the crowd of people towards the bar, Remus surreptitiously running his hand over Sirius’ half-hard cock. He stopped and whispered in Sirius’ ear, taking Sirius’ hand and pressing it against the front of his trousers.

 

“Dancing with you made me hard, too.”

 

“Then let’s do something about it.”

 

Remus nodded and they quickly bypassed the bar and ran outside, Disapparting to Sirius’ bedroom. 


	24. 024. Naked

****024.** **NAKED** **

 

Sirius lay naked, curled against Remus with his head on the other boy’s stomach. Remus’ fingers ran through Sirius’ long hair. Neither of them spoke, but every movement made a rustling sound against the bed linens. When Sirius breathed in he smelled everything they had just done. Sweat lingered on both their bodies, slowly drying in the cold of the bedroom. Sirius’ eyelids felt heavy as he opened his mouth and swept his tongue across the inside crease of Remus’ thigh. He licked away the drops of semen still on Remus’ stomach.

 

“Sirius,” said Remus quietly.

 

Glancing up at Remus, Sirius licked inside his naval. “Yes?”

 

Remus shook his head. “Nothing.” He smiled. Then, “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“When did you first know you were in love with me?”

 

Sirius noticed Remus flush slightly. “I can’t pinpoint, like, an exact hour. But after that first really awful kiss I knew I fancied you. And the thing – __the__ thing – y’know – prank, whatever, with Snivellus? That night and the next day I kept asking myself why I’d do that to someone I loved. Then I kept asking myself why I just used the word ‘loved.’. . . What about you?”

 

“That second kiss. But you’re right – that first kiss was really quite awful.”

 

Sirius laughed against Remus’ skin. “What happened that first time?”

 

“I think I leaned right and you leaned left and our noses met in the middle.”

 

“Our noses, then our teeth. I had a fat lip for a couple days.”

 

Remus nodded. “When was that? Beginning of sixth year, sometime.”

 

“October twenty-fifth.”

 

“. . . Are you kidding?”

 

“No. It was the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year, right? And I asked you to wait for me to finish showering before we left, but James and Pete went on without us.”

 

“Oh, right. I’m afraid to ask if you remember when our second one was.”

 

“Not the date. A few days before the thing with Snivellus.”

 

“That one was lovely.”

 

Sirius agreed. “I like kissing you. Can I tell you a secret?”

 

“I think we’re beyond secrets at this point.”

 

“The first time I had sex was with you.”

 

Remus raised his eyebrows. “What about—”

 

“No girls,” said Sirius. “I snogged them and did some heavy petting, but never . . .” Sirius felt even more naked just then, even though he was already without any clothes.

 

“That’s . . . I don’t know what to say to that.”

 

“You don’t have to say anything.”

 

“There really shouldn’t be any secrets when we’re both naked like this.”

 

Sirius agreed. “Earlier in the club . . . I liked the way we moved together.”

 

Remus nodded.

 

“We’re good together.”

 

Remus nodded again.

 

Sirius alternated between licking and kissing his way up Remus’ stomach. He drew one of Remus’ short nipples into his mouth before kissing his collarbone. Hovering an inch above Remus’ mouth, Sirius whispered, “I like the way we move together off the dance floor, too.”

 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

 

“How long d’you think we’ll move this good together?”

 

“Tonight? Or in general?”

 

Sirius didn’t answer, but swept his tongue across Remus’ lower lip.

 

“Like, the future?” 

 

Sirius looked at Remus, giving him a look that screamed _yes_.

 

“I don’t know how long we’ll . . . move . . . together,” answered Remus, his voice containing truth. “But . . . I hope forever. . . . Is that what you were asking?”

 

Sirius’ answer was to kiss Remus with as much passion and love as he could muster. He reached a hand down between Remus’ thighs and took advantage of their nakedness.


	25. 025. Drugs

****025\. DRUGS** **

 

It was supposed to be a Valentine’s Day present, but it had gone horribly wrong. First of all, the white tabs they put into their mouths with the pictures of cupid on them cost far more than Sirius had been willing to initially spend, but the bloke said that it was the Love Drug and, well, Sirius __did__ love Remus.

 

Second of all, James and Lily were supposed to be on a date – in __Hogsmeade__ , which was about as far away from the dormitory as one could get. Yet, James was __here__ , in the room, talking to Peter – who was also __here__.

 

Third of all, the blood rushed through Sirius’ veins, making him hot and sweaty, and his palms itched to touch everything. He was full of love, bursting with love. He breathed love when he inhaled, pissed love when he went to the loo, and caressed love when he touched anything. Yet, the third-of-all was a problem because of the second-of-all. He could not be full of love with Remus when there were two other blokes in the room.

 

Or could he?

 

They hadn’t taken the pills all that long ago. Right when they thought James and Peter were going to leave, they popped them into their mouths. When they realized that their two roommates were staying, it was too late. The drug was already in their systems.

 

“Remus,” whispered Sirius. “If I don’t touch you right now—”

 

Remus ran his hands through Sirius’ hair. “This feels __amazing__. You have to feel this.”

 

Sirius felt himself grow hard almost instantaneously. “I feel it. Man, do I feel it!”

 

James and Peter looked up from their stack of Muggle playing cards and watched them.

 

“ _ _Mmmm__ ,” groaned Sirius.

 

James got up and stood in front of Sirius. He looked down at the two boys, who were both sitting on Remus’ bed.

 

“Just what are you two __doing__? Stop that!”

 

Sirius got to his feet, his eyes focused on James’ shirt. “Ah, man, your __shirt__.” He reached out and caressed it lovingly. “I love your shirt. Shit, Moony, you have to feel this. It’s incredible.”

 

James slapped Sirius’ hand. “Stop – what are you doing? Ohh, that’s – that’s – __what’s that against my leg__?”

 

Sirius breathed in a long, deep breath. “Wow.”

 

James looked frightened, but Sirius hardly noticed. 

 

“Remus, feel this shirt.” Sirius closed his eyes. “James, baby, I want to give you a hug.”

 

“Absolutely not!” cried James. “Are you on drugs? Oh, Merlin, you __are__ on drugs.”

 

“Just a little Love Drug,” replied Sirius. He turned his head around to look behind him at Remus, who was running his hands up and down Sirius’ spine, underneath his shirt. “I think I’m going to come.”

 

James let out a little shriek and Peter bolted from the room.

 

“Don’t come on James!” shouted Remus.

 

“His shirt, man, his __shirt__.”

 

Remus withdrew his hands from Sirius’ back and sat on the bed. Sirius let go of James and turned towards Remus. 

 

“I think I could eat you right about now.” He jumped on top of Remus and attacked his neck with kisses, nibbles, and bites. “Just tasting you – I’m going to come. I’m going to come. I’m going to come. God, Moony, I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh my god – do that again – IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou – __I’m going to come__.”

 

Sirius let out a shuddering breath as his muscles contracted and he came while still inside his trousers. 

 

All they heard of James leaving was the dormitory door slamming shut. 


	26. 026. Twins

****026\. TWINS** **

 

Remus grumbled under his breath.

 

“What was that?” Sirius could just barely make his lover’s profile out in the dark of the cupboard.

 

“I said, this is all your fault.”

 

“Ah, would you shut the bloody hell up with that? I said I was sorry!”

 

“OUCH! That was my knee you just kicked.”

 

Sirius mumbled an apology. Running from Filch, they had snuck into a cupboard in the Charms classroom to keep from being found, only the fifth-years had been working on locking charms and apparently were very adept at them already, if the state of the cupboard door was an indication.

 

“Stop rattling the door,” snapped Remus. “It’s locked. We __know__ it’s locked. Give it a rest.”

 

Sirius let go of the inside door handle and let out a puff of breath. He shifted in the small space, trying to get more comfortable without kicking Remus again.

 

“We might as well make the most of our time in here.”

 

Remus snorted. 

 

Sirius reached a hand out and cupped Remus through his trousers.

 

“There’s not enough room,” whispered Remus. “I don’t think—”

 

But Sirius had already undone Remus’ fly and worked his hand inside the boy’s pants. The cock was half-hard and with a few good strokes, was standing straight out. Sirius took his hand away and pulled on Remus’ trousers until they were resting below his bum. It took a bit of repositioning, but Sirius managed to lie mostly on his back, Remus’ knees planted firmly on the ground, on either side of his shoulders. 

 

“Put your hands here,” Sirius said quietly. He moved Remus’ hands until they were on the floor behind Sirius’ head. On all fours, Remus’ hard cock bobbed in front of his face.

 

Sirius licked his lips. His tongue moved down Remus’ length. His hands squeezed and played with Remus’ balls. One hand curled around Remus’ erection while Sirius sucked on the thick balls. He took one in his mouth, then moved to the other, identical, one. Taking careful care of each movement he made, Sirius was slow and methodical. 

 

He moved his tongue back towards Remus’ cock. He took the entirety of him into his mouth, sucking as hard as he dared. His hands went to Remus’ hips and he pulled the boy towards him, trying to get Remus further into his mouth. The tip of Remus’ cock touched the back of Sirius’ throat, but he held back his gag.

 

This is what he wanted – wanted all of Remus, as much as he could have. After the incident with the drugs a few weeks back, Remus had been incredibly distant. He said it must be subconscious, but Sirius was worried that by getting so hard from James had made Remus feel strange, inadequate perhaps. That couldn’t have been further from the truth and Sirius had slowly been trying to make up for it. Even on his eighteenth birthday, Remus had just wanted to drink in the dormitory and included James and Peter. Sirius was __convinced__ it had been the drugs they’d taken and the fact that he got hard while touching James. Truthfully, it wasn’t __just__ James, but Remus didn’t know that and Sirius didn’t tell him and the guilt was fueling his actions.

 

Above him, Remus grunted and moaned. Sirius’ neck stiffened and he quickened the pace his lips and tongue had set. Remus came, emptying into Sirius’ mouth. He took it and swallowed, continuing to work at Remus until the boy was dry and beginning to soften. Remus’ arms gave out and he collapsed on top of Sirius.

 

“Good?”

 

“The best,” answered Remus. “Always the best.”

 

Sirius curled his arms around Remus’ body and hugged him close. 

 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing for Valentine’s.”

 

“I haven’t said—”

 

“You don’t __say__ , but you __do__.”

 

Sirius nodded. “I know, but you’ve been – this is the first time you’ve come with me in three weeks.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“You’re angry.”

 

“Sirius, give it a rest. You had your hands on James’ shirt and you got hard. You were on drugs. I understand.”

 

“Then why haven’t you touched me?”

 

Remus moved off of Sirius and bumped his head. “Because I know about Nigel.”

 

Sirius felt as though he had just been punched in the stomach. __Nigel__. It was all a very, very bad dream that he couldn’t wake up from.

 

“How?”

 

“Peter saw you in the common room after he fled the dormitory.”

 

“The truth is—”

 

“The truth,” interrupted Remus, “is that you were on a love drug and instead of getting hard by touching his shirt, you kissed him . . . in front of __Peter__ and then didn’t tell me about it.”

 

Sirius felt his heart grow blacker with the guilt. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t in my head. It was the drugs.”

 

“I’m sure it was, but it’s been a full month and you didn’t tell me. You need to tell me these things. Between this and last year with Severus, I don’t really trust you anymore. . . .”

 

“No,” whispered Sirius. “Don’t say that. You just let me go down on you.”

 

“I shouldn’t have done that; I feel __really__ bad about it.” Remus hesitated. “I need you to be honest with me about something. Is all you did was kiss him?”

 

Sirius head filled with hazy, dreamlike images of hands roaming over bodies, all above clothes. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen Peter in the common room; he was blind to everything that night and was only led by the heat in his veins, the weight of his heavy cock.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why don’t I believe you?”

 

Sirius swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You should have told me. Look – with NEWTs coming up, I think we should cool it down a bit.”

 

Sirius felt numb. Remus kept talking, but he couldn’t hear anything. There was a buzzing between his ears. 

 

“I’ve got to fucking get out of here.” With a swift kick to the cupboard door, Sirius broke it and climbed out through the splintered wood. As he went down the corridor towards the common room, his mind was blank, in a state of confusion, and all he could really concentrate on was the taste of Remus in his mouth.


	27. 027. Airplane

****027\. AIRPLANE** **

 

Towards the end of April Sirius had been Remus’ __friend__ for over a bloody month. Remus didn’t deny himself Sirius’ company, but Sirius was beginning to think that was worse. Sitting next to him in the Great Hall or in class, but not getting to touch him. Watching him transform the last full moon, but not helping him. Lounging in the common room, but not escaping to the dormitory for some behind-the-bed-curtains-fun. 

 

“It was funny!” cried James. “Why didn’t you laugh?”

 

Sirius turned and looked at James who was seated next to him on the sofa in the common room. They had changed into pajamas and were supposed to be working on last-minute Transfiguration homework, though nothing was really getting done. “What? It wasn’t funny.” He glanced at Peter, who was clutching his side as tears of laughter fell from his eyes.

 

“You’re the one who snogged some other bloke and you’re making __us__ miserable because of your mistake.”

 

“It was the drugs – which Remus took, too, I might add.”

 

James shrugged. “Find yourself another bloke.”

 

“I don’t __want__ another bloke. I want Remus.” Sirius slouched down further on the cushion. “I miss him.”

 

“You see him everyday.” 

 

“It’s not the same.”

 

“How?” asked Peter, looking far too innocent for Sirius’ tastes.

 

“I can’t touch him now. I miss touching him. And kissing him. I miss how when I couldn’t sleep he’d come to my bed and rub my back, like I was a kid or something.”

 

“You are a kid,” sniggered James. “A tall one, but still a kid.”

 

“I miss him getting me off. It’s not the same when I have to do it myself.”

 

“True,” said Peter, nodding.

 

“I miss how he feels inside me.”

 

“ _ _Inside__ – no. I told you not to say things like that!” said James.

 

“You’ve no idea how brilliant it feels. Not just cock, James, but – never mind. It doesn’t matter. I just miss him. I’m pathetic. If he’d just let me hug him for, like, ten minutes I could die happy. But I think he hates me again and I can’t stand it.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” said James. “You have to hide it better.”

 

“I’m always going to be an idiot, I can’t hide being stupid, but I never – I would never do anything to intentionally hurt him. I never cheated on Remus except the time with the drugs. If I had any other secrets, I’d tell him all them, just so we wouldn’t have anything between us anymore. I need him back or else I’m going to go mad.”

 

“You can find sex anywhere,” said Peter. “Can’t you? I mean, girls line up to go on dates with you.”

 

“I don’t want __girls__. I want Remus. Girls aren’t not the same. There is nothing like a really hard cock, __nothing__. It’s really rather brilliant. But I just said that I want him back. If I was randy, I’d go find a nice bloke and a secret passageway, but that’s not what I want. Peter, you’ll understand if you ever fall in love with anyone. It’ll make you happy, but it’ll make you miserable, too. When I was with him, I felt sometimes like I was flying, but now I just feel grounded. Like a train wreck.”

 

James tapped Sirius’ knee and pointed towards the staircase that led up to the boys’ dormitories. Sirius turned and saw Remus standing there, arms crossed over his chest. He nodded up the stairs and turned and walked back up. Sirius followed.

 

Inside the dormitory, Sirius shut the door behind him. Before he even saw him, Remus had grabbed Sirius and pulled him into a hug. It was tight and warm and Sirius’ twisted Remus’ pajama shirt in his fists.

 

“I heard everything you said.”

 

“I don’t care.”

 

“You feel like a train wreck?”

 

“ _ _Yes__.”

 

“I missed you, too, but I wasn’t sure you missed me for the right reasons. You say you love me, but then sometimes it’s like we’re having a race to orgasm instead of doing other things. I’m not a girl, but sometimes it’d be nice to talk or sneak into Hogsmeade or play impromptu Quidditch. I don’t care what it is, as long as we’re together. . . . But I think I was partly wrong. I should’ve told you instead of breaking things off with you.”

 

“I don’t want to hear who’s to blame. I just want you back. I really can’t tell you how much I love you. And not only your cock, though that is probably my favorite part of your body.”

 

Remus smiled against Sirius’ neck.

 

“And that time over Christmas hols when I said I wanted to be with you forever? I __meant__ that. I don’t want this to be a passing fancy. I want you for keeps.”

 

“Then you can have me,” replied Remus and pulled back from the hug just enough to kiss him.


	28. 028. Restaurant

****028\. RESTAURANT** **

It was the last Hogsmeade visit of their Hogwarts career. Two weeks until NEWTs and then it would be the end of schooling forever. James had wanted to spend it with Lily, but she insisted he lunch with the Marauders. They chose a restaurant on the edge of town. Most students went to the Three Broomsticks, but the Marauders were all eighteen now. They were too old to be around a bunch of third-years bursting with Zonkos-induced energy.

 

They sat in a booth, Sirius next to Remus. On the table was their drinks – two pumpkin juices, one coffee, and one hot tea. They waited for their food and reminisced about the past.

 

“Remember when charmed all the Slytherins’ laundry so that their clothes had Gryffindor colors?” asked Peter excitedly.

 

“Snivellus was livid for a week. What about the time I __accidentally__ dropped an engorgement potion on his face?” Sirius smiled. “His nose was twice the size of his face all day!”

 

“Remember when we finally finished the map? That was __brilliant__ ,” breathed James. “Simply brilliant. Too bad Filch nicked it from us. He’ll never figure out how to use it. It’ll just spit out insults about him and his stupid cat.”

 

“Remember when Lily refused to ever go out with you?” said Sirius with a laugh. “And you tried to charm your hair from sticking up, but you ended up bald instead?”

 

As James scowled, Remus smiled at the memory. 

 

“I remember when Remus broke up with you and you cried all over the place!”

 

“I did __not__ cry! James, you lying sack of filth!”

 

Remus placed a hand on Sirius’ thigh and gave it a small squeeze.

 

“I didn’t cry!” insisted Sirius. 

 

“Like a girl,” laughed Peter.

 

“You lot are fucking liars!”

 

Remus kept his hand on Sirius’ thigh, moving it up slowly until it __almost__ touched his crotch. Sirius clamped his mouth shut and slouched down a bit further, opening his thighs. The movement caused Remus’ hand to slip up until his pinky finger could touch the fly of Sirius’ trousers.

 

With such careful movements that James and Peter didn’t notice anything amiss, Remus carefully undid the button and zip of the trousers and slid his hand inside. He gripped Sirius lightly, stroking softly.

 

“Have you decided what you want to do after we leave school?” James asked, looking at Remus.

 

“No. I can’t work at the Ministry unless I want to work in the werewolf capture or registration unit. There’s always getting a job at a place like this, serving food and so forth. Or a place in Diagon Alley. I’ve thought about that as well.” Remus shrugged helplessly. He took Sirius’ growing erection more firmly in his hand. “What about you? Definitely the Auror program, then?”

 

James shook his head. “I don’t know. My parents put enough money in my vault that I don’t have to work so I was thinking . . . just, you know, thoughts about working for Dumbledore fulltime. For the Order.”

 

The admission didn’t falter Remus’ movements, though it surprised him. “Really?”

 

“I was – ah – thinking the same thing,” said Sirius, lightly pushing his hips up in time with Remus’ strokes.

 

“Peter? You going to join the Order?” James narrowed his eyes at Peter.

 

“Probably. Mum’ll __kill__ me.”

 

Sirius moaned throatily, then promptly turned a bright shade of red.

 

“Are you all right?” asked James.

 

“Fine – __fine__.” Sirius cleared his throat, his eyes slipping closed.

 

“Have you poisoned him?”

 

Remus looked at James innocently. “He’s just tired.” Sirius was hot and heavy in his hand. He felt wetness leaking from the head of Sirius’ erection, the hard cock pulsing.

 

“What are you doing to him? Remus, I swear to Merlin if—”

 

Sirius slammed his fist down on the table as he came all over Remus’ hand. He slammed it again as he emptied out. A few other restaurant patrons turned to look at him, but Sirius seemed unaware of anything.

 

Remus removed his hand surreptitiously from Sirius’ pants, wiping the hot liquid on the thighs of Sirius’ trousers, giving him a devilish grin.

 

“I hate you both,” murmured James as their server dropped off four plates of hot food at their table. “Are you going to eat, Sirius?”

 

“Can’t – move. Eating . . . hard.”

 

James grumbled under his breath as he shoved a forkful of food in his mouth. Peter hummed as he buttered a piece of bread. Remus winked at Sirius.

 

“I’ll get you back for that, Moony,” whispered Sirius. “When you’re done eating, I’ll race you back to the dormitory.”

 

Remus kept grinning as he quickly ate his lunch.


	29. 029. Body Paint

****029\. BODY PAINT** **

 

“What __is__ that?”

 

“Chocolate. I know you love chocolate.”

 

“Yes,” agreed Remus, “but usually in my mouth.”

 

“Ah, but this is the best kind of chocolate,” said Sirius as he stuck his finger in the jar of melted chocolate. He put the finger to Remus’ bare chest and began to write. “This chocolate is going to have the aftertaste of Remus.” Sirius grinned up at his lover from where he lay across his legs on the bed. He got more chocolate on his fingers and began to write dirty things and draw dirty pictures all over Remus’ naked body.

 

Across his chest was __I want to suck your cock__. On his right thigh was __going to fuck you__ and on the left was __on all fours__. On his bicep was a phallic picture; on his forearm was a tongue. __69__ was painted in chocolate in several places, including Remus’ hardening cock. On his other arm, Remus noticed Sirius had put a rather crude drawing of a dog . . . or wolf.

 

“I don’t want to know,” said Remus. “I think—”

 

His words were replaced by a moan as Sirius lowered his head to Remus’ nipple, licking off the __w__ of __want__. His tongue traced over the other letters, cleaning off the chocolate he had painted onto Remus’ skin. 

 

Remus watched – watched the pink tongue lazily poke through Sirius’ lips and dance across his skin. Each contact made Remus’ cock pulse, harden, thicken. Remus was mildly surprised he could still even see since all the blood in his body had settled in his cock.

 

The last bit of chocolate left was on Remus’ erection, but Sirius didn’t lick that up. Instead, he lifted Remus’ hips and turned him over softly, pulling him back so that Remus rested his elbows on the bed, his knees digging into the mattress. Sirius put the last bit of chocolate between his butt cheeks. Remus shut his eyes and took in a quavering breath as Sirius licked him, using his tongue to open him up. 

 

The tongue was hot and warming Remus’ body to unimaginable heat. He began to rock his body, pushing towards Sirius’ face, imagining his cock being sucked or thrust inside Sirius. Then, Sirius removed his mouth and the tongue was replaced by cock.

 

Remus groaned. Normally he was the one who topped, but he never minded having Sirius inside him. 

 

“I’ve always wanted to drape myself over you like a cloak while I fuck you,” said Sirius, hugging Remus’ back to his chest. “Say something dirty.”

 

Remus grabbed his cock and began to stroke in time with Sirius’ movements. “I want you to fuck me into the mattress. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d like to feel me come, my muscles clenching around you while you’re still hard inside me.”

 

Sirius groaned and bit Remus’ shoulder.

 

“You’re so dirty, Sirius. You like the idea of your cock in my arse. And I’m so addicted to you I’d let you fuck me as hard as you want to.”

 

“You’re so dirty, you like the idea of my cock in your arse, too. Wiggle that butt some more, Moony, beg for it.”

 

Remus groaned, his cock dripping onto the blankets. 

 

“Come for me.”

 

Remus quickened his strokes as Sirius sped up behind him, driving into him with a force – or passion – that he’d never before felt. Remus came all over his hand and the blankets and just as his arm was about to give out, he felt himself fill up as Sirius came.

 

They lay together on the bed, Remus still on his stomach, Sirius having flopped beside him on his back. Their breaths were uneven and their brains weren’t yet fully-functioning.

 

“Addicted to me,” said Sirius with an amused look on his face.

 

“You know I am. ‘S’why I couldn’t stay broken up very long.”

 

“Mmmm.”

 

“I can’t help it. I’m a Siriusoholic,” said Remus with a smirk. “And a Siriussexual.” He closed his eyes and yawned. “I should go to Sirius Anonymous. __Hello, my name is Remus and I’m addicted to my boyfriend__.”

 

“ _ _Hi, Remus__.”

 

Remus smiled and then he was asleep.


	30. 030. Restraints

****030\. RESTRAINTS** **

 

Sirius had trouble sleeping. They were back at James’ house, having missed a couple days’ worth of classes. James’ father was old, in his seventies, having been nearly sixty when James was born. James’ mother was younger, but even she was older than most parents. It was natural, human causes that brought about Mr. Potter’s death.

 

Lily came, too, and Sirius suspected she was sleeping in James’ room. Peter was down the hall, sharing a room with a couple of James’ cousins. Remus was in Sirius’ bed, on his stomach, breathing quietly, but steadily.

 

Sirius clenched his fists and turned over on his side, his back towards Remus. He rubbed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. He counted hippogriffs and tried to free his mind of all thought. Nothing worked.

 

He felt a warm hand grip his hip and he held his breath.

 

“What’s wrong?” came Remus’ voice through the dark of the room.

 

“Can’t sleep.”

 

“Turn over.”

 

Sirius turned over to his other side, facing Remus. The moonlight shone through the window, illuminating them both in its soft glow. Remus opened his eyes and brushed the hair away from Sirius’ face.

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

“Selfish things.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like how it’s not fair that everyone asks James how he’s doing. I’m upset, too.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m a terrible person.” He tried to turn over, but Remus held on to him. 

 

“Don’t turn away from me. You’re not a terrible person. I know you’re upset, but it’s all right.”

 

“No, it’s not,” whispered Sirius. “James’ dad was my dad. I mean – y’know, not in blood, obviously. But he let me live here. He gave me a room and advice on girls and dating – which I’ve obviously put to good use, but—”

 

“He was your father,” said Remus.

 

“He wasn’t.”

 

“He was. Your real father’s a complete bastard. James is your brother and his parents are your parents. I understand that. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t born into the family.”

 

Sirius shut his eyes tightly against the truth.

 

“No one can tell you that they’re not your parents, even if they don’t understand. They were your family just like I’m yours. No one can tell you that we don’t love each other just because we’re both boys. Right?”

 

Sirius nodded.

 

“You can cry and I won’t tell anyone.”

 

“What?”

 

“Isn’t it appropriate to cry when you’re sad?”

 

“I don’t want to cry. I want . . . I want you. Come here.” Sirius snaked his hand into Remus’ pajama bottoms.

 

“No.”

 

“Please. I need to be close to you.”

 

Remus shook his head. “Then let me love you. I didn’t lose anyone, you did.”

 

Sirius nodded. He opened his eyes and watched Remus move over him, pulling his pajamas down. Sirius lift his hips and the pajamas were dropped onto the floor. Remus pressed kisses all over his stomach and his hips. His lips pressed into Sirius’ thighs before opening up and covering the erection that was quickly hardening. 

 

Remus’ mouth felt warm and safe. It felt like love and protection and comfort. It felt like everything Sirius needed.

 

“Remus, Remus,” said Sirius. Then, “ _ _Remus__.”

 

The other boy released Sirius’ cock from his mouth and sat up, looking breathless, his eyelids heavy. “What?”

 

“I need you inside me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Please.”

 

His eyes searched Sirius’, as though he was looking for answers, but Remus didn’t ask any questions so he nodded. Sirius lifted his hips and opened up his legs, shifting himself to ready himself.

 

When Remus was inside, Sirius gasped. There was the physical sensation, the feeling of being stretched and filled, but there was also the connection. As though there was a cord tied around both of their hearts, pulling them together. Every molecule was full of Remus. They were linked; they were one.

 

Remus’ lips were on Sirius’ face, and there was wetness there that couldn’t have been from anything other than tears. He lost all restraint and allowed a few more tears as he came all over his stomach. With a groan, Remus let himself go, too. There was silence as they caught their breath.

 

“Oh, Sirius,” breathed Remus. “Don’t cry.”

 

“I can’t help it. I feel so . . .”

 

Remus pulled out of him and turned on his side, hugging Sirius fiercely against his chest.

 

“What do you feel?” asked Remus.

 

“Useless. Alone. I don’t have a real family.”

 

“No,” said Remus, kissing Sirius’ forehead. His eyelids. His cheeks. “No. I’m your family. I’m yours. Just because our names aren’t written on the same family tree doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes family are those you __choose__. I choose you.”

 

Sirius nodded and swallowed back the rest of his tears. He let himself curl into Remus, resting his head on Remus’ chest. The position was childlike, but that’s how Sirius felt, small and sad, and being held was the most protected he’d ever felt.


End file.
